The White Knight's War
by pixell
Summary: Post chosen Xander a prophecy character death angst action slash xander graham omc, xander has to become the White Knight in truth in order to stop a Slayer who's turned to the dark
1. Prologue

The White Knight's War 

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

I'm messing with the timelines a bit to make this work

Set 3 years post chosen BTVS canon through all seasons

Set midway through season 5 Angel canon up to the end of episode Damage. After that it's AU and I mean seriously AU all the way.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker. I've not abandoned my other story, I'll work on both but this one just wanted out of my head.

Recap :- Dana has chopped off Spike's hands and been caught and tranquillised by Angel's crew. Just when they were about to take her in, Andrew stopped them and told them that he was taking Dana with him because Buffy, Giles and the Council no longer trusted Angel. Andrew had brought a group of slayers to back him up.

**Prologue**

Angel, " You're way out of your league. I'll just clear it with Buffy."

Andrew, "Where do you think my orders came from? News flash – nobody in our camp trusts you any more. Nobody. You work for Wolfram and Hart. Don't fool yourself….we're not on the same side. Thank you for your help…..but, uh…we got it." He gestures to the girls to get Dana.

"Is that right? Giles told you Angel wasn't to be trusted ? " the voice seemed to come from nowhere and as everyone looked around they were surprised to see Xander Harris emerge from the shadows.

Andrew seemed to shrink in on himself, gone was the self-confident watcher and he stammered as he replied, "Y..yes, I know you argued against it Xander; but you've been so far away, you don't know what's been happening. Giles is adamant that Wolfram and Hart has corrupted all of them. They cannot be trusted, not now, not ever."

Angel was surprised and hurt by Andrew's words – he had thought these people knew him better than this, though not as surprised as he was at the idea of Xander Harris being the one to defend him.

" Giles said that ? " to a casual listener the repeated question was calm and measured but Angel could sense something more, under that calm surface Xander's voice held anger, actually that wasn't strong enough, more like an all encompassing rage, that radiated like fire from the boy. No not a boy anymore, standing in front of them was a man; tight black jeans and a black shirt covered a tanned and muscled body topped by a face that had aged in the years since Angel had last seen him. The one eye glittered in the darkness, but the sense of joy and innocence that had always shone from Xander was gone. He'd hardened, and Angel couldn't help but wonder what had finally caused the man to change this much, what had killed off the light in Xander's eye.

Andrew spoke again, with every word sounding more like the geeky teen who'd fled Sunnydale three years earlier, " Yes. Giles…he said that……."

His voice trailed off, leaving the rest of his words unspoken as Xander pressed forward, invading Andrew's space. For a second they stood motionless, then with almost preternatural speed, Xander moved; hard punches to Andrew's stomach, kidneys and jaw dropped the wannabe watcher to the ground. Before anyone else could move or speak Xander looked down and, with a voice like ice, ground out, " Giles told you Angel was Evil? Was that before, or after, you slit his throat and fed him to your master's pet demons? "

Tbc…..


	2. Chapter 1 Declaration Of War

The White Knight's War 

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

I'm messing with the timelines a bit to make this work

Set 3 years post chosen BTVS canon through all seasons

Set midway through season 5 Angel canon up to the end of episode Damage. After that it's AU and I mean seriously AU all the way.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker. I've not abandoned my other story, I'll work on both but this one just wanted out of my head.

****

**Declaration Of War**

Angel and his companions stood in shock, Wesley especially couldn't believe what he'd just heard but Angel could taste the truth in Xander's words and, with a quick nod, confirmed that Xander was speaking the truth.

Andrew didn't even bother trying to defend himself at first, instead he turned to the Slayers and started to babble, "Something's wrong with Xander, they must have done something to him, we'll have to take him back with Dana so we can fix him."

But as the Slayers took the first tentative steps towards Xander, he gave a small signal with his right hand and, from deep in the shadows, came more Slayers, this time armed, not with crossbows and stakes, but with guns.

"Nice try Andrew, but I think you'll find I win, my girls are 21st century Slayers and we kinda outnumber you 2 to 1." Switching his gaze first to Angel and his companions, (who he silenced with a wave), then to the Slayers who'd accompanied Andrew. "You all know who I am, what I am, you know what side I fight on. You've been lied to, manipulated into betraying your calling. We don't want to have to hurt you but we cannot let any of you go back to them. Drop your weapons and we'll explain everything. The Senior Slayer is waiting for you at our HQ.**Please** let us help you."

Some of the girls dropped their weapons immediately on hearing Xander's words, others argued and tried to stand firm, but in a few minutes all were disarmed and led away by half the Slayers who'd come to support Xander.

Xander turned back to Andrew and the look in his eye was murderous. The remaining Slayers closed in on the two men and Angel started to wonder how bad this was going to get and if there was a way for him to regain control of the situation before the angry young man lost control of himself and did something unforgivable. Xander's voice still held that eerie calm but his words chilled Angel to the bone. "We were just going to take you back, see you stand trial, we thought you'd been manipulated by that bastard you've been working for; but Andrew you crossed a line, one that this time you can't come back from."

Andrew suddenly found his voice, "I…I ..Ididn't mean to do it. G..Giles was just in the wrong place, he saw too much, you don't understand, we're doing this for the greater good, I never expected….." his voice trailed off again as he saw Xander slowly shaking his head.

"This isn't just about Giles. Did you really think you could hide what you'd done? Did you honestly believe I wouldn't find out? Like I said to the slayers, did you forget who I am? What I am? What you all forced me to become? **You helped kill Willow!** Do you really think you're just going to walk away?"

Xander aimed a vicious kick at Andrew's ribs, then, stepped back, gesturing to a woman standing behind the Slayers. "Amy it's time." As the young woman stepped forward, magic began to crackle in the air; Andrew's body rose from the ground and was instantly surrounded by bright tendrils of power. He began to scream as his body writhed in pain and, behind him, a portal began to form.

"Don't worry Andrew. I don't want you dead**…**Yet I want you to deliver a message for me. Tell the Immortal that the White Knight of the Slayers is declaring war." As he finished speaking he nodded to Amy and the young witch began chanting in Summerian. Spinning wildly Andrew's body began moving towards the, now stable, portal and, screaming all the way, Andrew's form slipped through the rift, which sealed up behind him.

Whilst this had gone on the A.I. crew had been shocked into immobility by Xander's words and actions but, with Andrew's disappearance, they surged forward. All talking at once, demanding answers. Before they could get close to Xander the remaining Slayers formed a wall, weapons at the ready, determination on their faces. Angel was the only one to push further, "Vampire here, guns really not gonna do much more than piss me off. Why don't you just stand aside?"

"Exploding rounds, wooden tipped, filled with holy water. Graham makes them up especially for us. Figure they'll do the job ok."

Angel was almost forced back by the feelings of grief and rage emanating from the brunette Slayer who'd spoken, but before he could reply Xander touched her gently on the arm and turned her away from the others, "Kennedy, enough. We're going to need them if we're going to make it through this." Then, turning back to Angel, he looked the vampire straight in the eyes and said, "We have to talk."

tbc


	3. Chapter 2 Questions Without Answers

The White Knight's War 

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker. I've not abandoned my other story, I'll work on both but this one just wanted out of my head.

* * *

**Questions Without Answers**

* * *

****

"We could go back to our office," Angel offered quickly.

"No offence Deadboy, we still think we can trust you and yours, but there's too many people at Wolfram and Hart we don't trust and we're pretty sure the Immortal has a deal in place with the Senior Partners. Not to mention he probably has a couple of his own on the inside." Xander's explanation made sense, so Angel waved off the security teams he'd brought with him to retrieve Dana and thought for a moment.

"Ok, your HQ then, maybe Buffy should be part of this anyway."

"Buffy?"

Surprised at the confusion evident in Xander's voice, Angel went on, "You told the girls the Senior Slayer was waiting for them."

"Sorry Fang, but boytoy was talking about me."

Angel's gaze swung to the newcomer, "Faith." Sultry and beautiful as ever she stalked into the empty lot, but, as she grew closer, Angel noticed she looked exhausted and worn down.

"Dammit Faith! What part of, 'don't leave the safe house,' did you have a hard time understanding?"

"I figured you could use some help, with Dana and the explanations."

"Dana's out cold and we were on our way back to you. Faith you can't keep doing this. You're pregnant, do you really think Robin would want you risking your life or the baby's like this?"

"Don't matter X. Robin's gone and I aim to make them pay."

"They will, but you still need to live."

"So do you X, when was the last time you stopped, slept even?"

"Cairo"

"Shit X, that was four days ago. Explanations gonna have to wait boys, I'm putting boytoy to bed."

"Is that an offer?"

"Not in this or any other life. You had your shot, sides I don't think Gray's the type to share." Xander just smirked and raised an eyebrow. "So soldier boy's a player. Who'd have thought it?Come on Xan spill."

Angel barely registered the by-play between the two young people; his brain had seemed to freeze. If Faith was the senior slayer, what had happened to Buffy? God was she dead too? An anguished groan slipped from Angel's lips and Xander turned towards him. Seeing the pain on the vampire's face Xander realised what Angel must have been thinking. His words were meant to comfort, but the tone was harsh, "She's not dead Angel, I promise. She's just not a Slayer any more."

Angel started to speak to ask Xander what he meant but Faith held her hand up, "Tomorrow," handing Angel a small slip of paper, "Be there any time after noon, right now he needs to rest."

Xander un-strapped Dana from the gurney and scooped her into his arms, setting off towards a car parked up the street, closely flanked by Faith and Amy. Only when they had driven off did the Slayers lower their weapons and fade back into the night.

Gunn turned as if to head back to the office but Angel stopped him, " If they're right, we may want to think about discussing this someplace else."

Gunn looked like he might argue for a second, then he allowed Angel to steer them down the street, "Who the fuck was that guy?"

"Xander Harris."

"Cordy's Xander? From high school? Sure doesn't seem much like the guy she used to talk about."

"She hadn't seen him in years, she'd changed, grown up so I suppose he has too; and if Willow really is dead god only knows what he's capable of."

"They were tight?"

"Closer then any two people I've ever known, not romantically, more like family. They sometimes seemed like two halves of one person."

"So pissed off likely to be an understatement. You believed him though. I saw that. How in hell did things get so messed up with them? Don't we have people checking on the council? We shouldn't have missed this."

"Unless the Senior Partners wanted to be sure we missed it."

"And that may actually be the scariest thing I heard all night. What's with all that White Knight shit he was talking about?"

"A nickname of sorts. Angelus called him that once, when Xander stopped him from killing Buffy. I guess the others picked up on it."

"He shall first be recognised and named by his enemy," Wes spoke for the first time.

"Wes, what was that?"

"Sorry Angel, I didn't mean to say that out loud. There was a legend at the Council; I hesitate to call it a Prophecy because no one ever believed it. The parchment pre-dated the Watchers and we always treated it as kind of a joke. Every Watcher was taught about it, but it was never expected to come to pass. There were so many conditions to be met; not least of which was the creation of an army of Slayers. Until Willow's spell nobody could ever imagine that happening."

"Do you remember all of it?"

"No but I'm sure I can get a copy from a dealer I know in town. What I do remember was that it dealt with the White Knight of the Slayers leading an army against an evil greater than the world has ever seen."

"Gunn, maybe you could go with him to the dealer, you both could get to work on it. I'll head back and check in on Spike. I'll try to let Fred and Lorne know what's going on without being too specific."

"Angel are you sure you wish to involve Spike? He was adamant about not letting them know he was alive."

"I know that Wes, but that was before. I may not like him but I know how much he loved Buffy. He'll do anything for her and we may need him if this is going to be as bad as we think."

"Angel man, from the way they were talking; I don't think this is about your girl."

"Gunn's right, but we aren't going to get any answers 'til tomorrow; so I suggest we leave it for now. The dealer I need to see is in the demon district so we should pick up some weapons en-route."

Gunn and Wes headed off leaving Angel to walk slowly back to Wolfram and Hart's med-centre, wondering about the anger and contempt in Xander's voice when he spoke of Buffy and trying to figure out how to explain the night's events to his Childe and, looking down at the paper Faith had slipped him, when exactly had Xander bought The Hyperion.

Tbc..


	4. Chapter 3 Interludes In The Night

The White Knight's War 

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker. I've not abandoned my other story, I'll work on both but this one just wanted out of my head.

* * *

**Interludes In The Night**

****

The Hyperion Hotel

Xander, Faith and Amy strode into the lobby with Xander carrying, the still unconscious, Dana; looking round the crowded room he spotted an empty couch and gently lay the troubled Slayer down. "She's going to be out for awhile, could someone find Gray for me? I want him to take a look at her, see what he can do."

"X, we can handle this, you need to get some sleep if you're going to be on your best game for Angel tomorrow." Faith tried to lead Xander towards the stairs.

"In a minute, just let me talk to Sam, see if she's heard anything from Rome."

"Oh no you don't. You start checking up on everyone and you'll still be down here this time tomorrow. There's nothing going down tonight we can't handle."

"Anyone ever tell you you've got a bossy streak a mile wide?" When Faith just glared at him in response Xander capitulated, "Ok, I give in. Just promise me you'll wake me if there's any news."

"Of course, now sleep. We'll take care of Dana."

* * *

Wesley's Apartment

Gunn was pacing up and down as he waited for Wes to finish translating the White Knight Prophecy. "So how come we had to go all the way downtown to get that thing? Couldn't we have just got a copy from Files and Records?"

Wes sighed at the interruption, though he knew he was unlikely to get any further with the translations. "If we'd used Files and Records the Senior Partners would have known instantly that we were interested in this; and if my translations are right that would definitely be bad for all of us."

"You got it done already?"

"Just about, this language has been dead for centuries and much of it is nuance, there's no way for me to get an exact translation without knowing the intent of the writer. Some of these symbols have different, and even contradictory, meanings depending on the context."

"But from the look on your face it's bad, right?"

"Apocalypse bad, yet again. It talks about a great evil rising from one who was once a great power of good; and that they'll join forces with another evil – one that pre-dates time itself. From the way some of this is worded I've a nasty suspicion that the Immortal may just be one of the Senior Partners."

"That really can't be a good thing; but that ain't what's got you looking so bad, is it?

You think that this new Big Bad, the one that used to be good, is Buffy; don't you?"

"Yes, and if that's the case….."

"Angel really isn't gonna take it well. So what about the White Knight stuff and Cordy's boy?"

"That's where it gets more complicated and less clear. It says that at the time of the greatest threat a protector will rise. One chosen and accepted by the Primal power of the Slayer line itself and that this chosen champion will be the White Knight of the Slayers and protect the very existence of the Slayer line. There's talk of a number of trials and conditions that the protector must fulfil; but beyond that it doesn't really explain what the White Knight will do or how he's supposed to stop the apocalypse. Just that he will lead an army of champions into battle."

"Well let's just hope he know's more about this shit than we do. I'm gonna see if I can track down Lorne, I figure we may need him to check these people out. See you tomorrow."

* * *

Lobby Of The Hyperion Hotel

All those still awake had gathered round the couch where, a now semi-conscious, Dana was being restrained by four Slayers. Graham sat on the couch behind her, with his hands gently surrounding her temples. As the tormented young Slayer became more fully awake she began to fight and, as the Slayers worked hard to keep her still, Graham's hands started to emit the soft glow associated with his healing powers. The lines of stress and pain on the former soldiers face let everyone watching know, exactly how difficult this healing was for him and the room became eerily quiet as they all watched and waited – none of them wanting to risk breaking the man's concentration. After nearly fifteen minutes the glow ceased and, with one last arch of her back, Dana collapsed back onto the couch. This time however she was sleeping peacefully.

Faith looked down at the sleeping girl, before turning to Graham, "Is she going to be ok?"

"Eventually. She suffered a lot of mental and physical abuse and I can't fix all the damage that caused overnight; but a lot of the psychosis came from the Slayer dreams she got when she was called."

"How? I mean all the Slayers got them, they're supposed to guide us, explain our calling, make this easier to understand."

"Yes but the years of abuse, trauma and the medications they had her on meant that her mind was wide open. Unlike the others she didn't just get a couple of dreams – every time she closed her eyes she was re-living past Slayer's lives, and their deaths, all their deaths. That's why she did what she did to Spike, she remembered him killing two Slayers; she literally felt his hands squeeze the life from her. In her mind the only way to stop him doing it again was to remove the hands which had hurt her before."

"Damn that's harsh. How the fuck do we get her past that?"

"She's going to need someone watching over her when she wakes up. It'll be a long time and will take a lot of hard work before she's even close to completely sane. I've fixed the worst of the damage to her mind and psyche; and I've blocked off the dreams. I just can't fix all the mental scars that easily."

"So we help her, be there for her, she's one of us."

"Faith she could easily become violent again and for some reason she seems even stronger than most Slayers, you can't handle this alone especially in your condition."

"She won't have to," Kennedy stepped between Faith and Graham and then sat on the couch; taking one of Dana's hands she began absently stroking it as she continued, "I'll help, I need to have something to focus on besides the battle. Besides it's what Willow would've wanted."

Graham looked like he was going to argue but a yawn overtook him before he could begin to speak. Remembering how exhausted healing always left the man, Faith decided to take charge. "We are going to put Dana to bed and stay with her. If we need help there's plenty of people here we can ask. You soldier boy are going upstairs to Xander and you're going to sleep. Understand?"

"Yes ma'am!" he replied with a wry smile and a mock salute but, knowing she was right, he simply headed for the upper floors and much needed sleep.

* * *

Wolfram AN Hart Med-Centre

As Angel approached Spike's room he could hear his Childe arguing with Fred and knew that if Spike was demanding fags and booze so vehemently he must be on the road to recovery. They broke off their bickering as he entered the room, but he gestured them both to silence. Moving swiftly about the room, he first disabled the electronic surveillance equipment, and then he drew on all his meagre magical abilities to set up wards to prevent mystical eavesdropping.

When he'd finished Spike raised an eyebrow and asked, "Hiding from the bosses?"

"Something like that."

"So what happened? Did you get little Miss Psycho Slayer all safely locked up?" Spike gestured towards Angel with his heavily bandaged arms, the movement causing his face to be wracked with pain.

Before answering Spike Angel turned to Fred, "Is he going to be ok?"

"Yeah the shamans got everything re-attached but the healing means he's gonna be in a lot of pain for awhile."

"That's why I wanted the JD, now tell me about the girl."

"Angel they said he shouldn't mix alcohol with his meds."

"Still in the room, and hey I'm a vampire don't think I'm in any danger from an OD."

"No alcohol Spike, not right now. I think you're going to want to be sober to hear this. Fred pull up another chair, this could take awhile."

Angel told them both everything that had happened after Spike had been rushed away; from Andrew's seeming condemnation of Wolfram and Hart to Xander's arrival and the revelation's he'd made. Fred sat silently throughout but Spike issued a string of profanities on hearing of Willow's death and crowd with delight when hearing of Andrew's screams. When Angel finished he looked at them both awaiting their reactions.

Fred spoke first, "I don't really know what to think, I don't really know any of these folks but if you think we should trust them then that's ok by me. I'm gonna leave you two to talk now 'cos I figure there's a bit you want to say and I need some sleep if I'm gonna with you tomorrow." She headed out the door pausing only to kiss Spike softly on the cheek and squeeze Angel's shoulder as she passed by.

After several minutes of waiting for Spike to speak and becoming increasingly frustrated, Angel finally demanded, "Well?"

"I'm thinking. Can tell you believed the whelp, wouldn't have bothered with all the wards and such otherwise, and it's not much of a stretch – believing them that runs this place are evil. It's the other stuff."

"Buffy not being a Slayer, not being there."

"Nah, don't rightly know what the boy meant by that, but we'll find out tomorrow. Was thinking 'bout Red, powerful as she was, what in hell could've taken her out? Didn't think there was anyone or anything with enough juice to pull that off. Then there's the boy, losing Red could put him over the edge, always had a touch of the dark that one, makes him dangerous." Spike grimaced again, intense pain showing on his drawn face, "Not gonna find out tonight, so I'm gonna take some more of those pills your vamp-doc left and try and get a bit of rest before the storm hits."

With that final comment Spike rested back against the pillows, Angel helped him take his meds and sank back down into the chair beside the bed. Settling down for a long night watching his Childe sleep and wondering what more revelations tomorrow's meeting would bring.

* * *

Penthouse At The Hyperion Hotel

Graham slipped naked beneath the sheets and was just about to turn off the light when he heard a small groan escape from his sleeping lover's mouth. Stilling his arm, he moved more fully onto the bed and gazed down at Xander; wondering again at the power this man had over him.

Graham had always known he was gay but, between small town prejudice and the military's 'don't ask, don't tell' policy, he'd never had a serious relationship. He'd had plenty of sex but, before Xander, they'd just been bodies in the night. Mindless, faceless nobodies there just to fuck and forget. Xander had been different from the start, he'd touched something deep inside Graham, made a connection to the former soldier's forgotten heart; offered him friendship, made him laugh and feel and eventually love.

Since everything had started to go wrong six months ago, when the betrayals had first started, the laughter, that had always been such an essential part of Xander, had nearly gone and Graham had begun to fear for his love. Xander had, day by day, become harder, more withdrawn and his face seemed permanently etched with sorrow and pain.

The only time Graham saw the man he'd fallen for was here, in their bed. When Xander slept the stress slipped away and his beautiful face seemed at peace. As if sensing his lover's gaze upon him, one chocolate eye flickered open, "Gray."

"Hey, aren't you supposed to be sleeping?"

Still only partially awake Xander's reply was incoherent, "Was… will again…Dana?"

"She'll be ok. No more questions, Faith's orders."

"Faith's scary….c'mere."

"You're too tired for anything but sleep."

More awake now, lust starting to replace fatigue, "Never that tired. Need you, always need you."

One brown eye locks with two steely blue, passion flaring between them; lips pressing together, open mouthed kisses, tongues tangling, arms wrapping two bodies so close together they become one; moans spilling into the night air, love filling two hearts. Rest can come later; right now they both need this, need each other, more than any thing. This is what completes them, makes them whole.

Tbc….


	5. Chapter 4 How We Came To This Part 1

The White Knight's War

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker.

_Authors Notes 3: for the purposes of this chapter everything in italics is a flashback/memory_

* * *

**How We Came To This Part 1**

The sun had just set when the A.I. team approached the Hyperion, they'd got caught up in a case at the office then Wesley had spent some time going over everything he had found out about the White Knight Prophecy. Angel and Fred had both wanted Spike to remain at the med-centre but, despite the obvious pain he was suffering from, he insisted on accompanying them. Some twenty yards from the entrance both vampires and Wesley stopped suddenly. Gunn and Fred carried on towards the doors before realising they'd lost their companions. They turned back and Gunn asked, "What's going on?"

It was Wesley who gathered himself together enough to reply, whilst the vampires fought their demons for control, "The entire building has been heavily warded, it's almost as if it's been removed from magical sight. The air is literally crawling with magic, it's as though the wards are a living entity, I've never felt anything this strong before."

Fred looked worriedly at the trio, "Does this mean you can't get in?"

"No, just means we need a minute, wasn't expecting all this and we need to adjust to how it feels, don't you worry pet." Spike took an unnecessary breath and led Wes and Angel through the barrier. As they reached the entrance the door was flung open by a young woman they didn't know, but who felt to Angel and Spike like a Slayer.

"Hi, I'm Cass, they've been waiting for you; just come in and I'll round them all up," with that the young woman shot off into the depths of the hotel leaving the A.I. crew to survey their former home. There were people everywhere; Slayers practicing with weapons, some wiccans gathered round a small altar in one corner, humans working at a bank of computers set up behind the old reception desk and others just hanging out; talking and relaxing, most paying no attention to their newly arrived guests.

There was a space cleared near the back of the room with a cluster of empty couches and chairs and one of the Slayers broke off from her practice and gestured that the A.I. team should wait there. Just as they were sitting down they heard the whirr of the ancient elevator coming up from the basement and when the gate pulled back they recognised Kennedy, Faith and Dana.

The youngest Slayer snapped to alertness when she spotted Angel and Spike, "**Vampires**." Before she could move forward and attack Kennedy grabbed her arms and Faith moved in front of her all the while talking softly to the traumatised young girl, "They're not evil lil sis, that's Angel and Spike, search my memories Dana, see they helped us, they're friends, come on lil sis remember what we told you."

For a second Dana continued to fight Kennedy's grip, then her gaze went distant as she searched through the memories in her head; her voice was oddly childlike when she spoke again, "Fang and Bleach-boy, friendly vamps," then turning towards Spike, "You burnt up, saved everyone. Didn't mean to hurt, was scared. Sorry so sorry."

"It's alright, see all better, bandages will be off soon. Know you didn't mean it luv."

The tension between the two groups dropped and then suddenly Dana ran across the lobby launching herself into Xander's arms with a cry of, "**Boytoy!**".

He gathered the trembling girl gently into his arms then looked across the room at Faith, "You just had to teach her that, didn't you?"

"Come on X, she's learning from my memories, not my fault what she picks up on."

"God help us. Two Faiths, I never did anything bad enough to deserve this. Angel, guys good to see you. We're just waiting for a couple of other people and we'll get started. Grab a seat and I'll find someone to round up some drinks, we could be here awhile."

"No need, I got it," a tall brunette woman the A.I. crew didn't recognise set down a tray with coffee, soft drinks and beer.

"Thanks Sam."

"Gray'll be here in a sec, how's Dana doing?"

Xander sat down on a couch with Dana cradled securely in his lap, her face buried in his chest. "She seems better, keeping her focused on just one set of memories is stopping her from being overwhelmed, though she's regressed a bit but Gray thinks that will wear off as she starts to cope better."

"She looks comfy enough."

A new voice joined the conversation, "Of course she does, Xander snuggles fix everything."

"Bit?" the vampire's quiet question silenced everyone.

"Spike. Oh God Spike. I knew you were alive, back. Oh goddess you're here, you're really here." With that Dawn ran across the lobby and hugged Spike tightly.

"So good to see you Bit, but wot you doing here?"

Angel was surprised at the genuine love and affection he could feel coming from the human and vampire currently embracing in front of him, but realised at that moment just how little he knew about the last years in Sunnydale and how they had changed all these people he thought he knew. His Childe was not the man he remembered and Angel felt slightly guilty for the way he'd been treating Spike since he'd arrived at Wolfram and Hart. He always expected people to understand that he wasn't Angelus and yet he'd refused to accept that Spike had changed, that Spike's soul made him different. If Spike had grown, changed then so might the others, a thought that was immediately re-enforced when a tall, sandy blond and well muscled man sauntered across the room, sank onto the couch on Xander's left and proceeded to draw the former Scoobie into a smouldering kiss before leaning back and grabbing a drink.

Xander took a deep breath and looked around, "This is going to take awhile so grab a drink and try to relax. We've all got a story to tell and Dawn's being here is part of it. Ok, quick introduction time for those of you who haven't met yet." Xander pointed at the couch and chairs where the A.I. crew had settled close together, pointing at each in turn, "Angel, Gunn, Spike Wes, Fred. Then on our side I'm Xander, you all met this lovely lady in my arms, Dana; Faith and Kennedy." Kennedy sat on the floor leaning back against Xander's legs and Faith curled up against Xander's right side, gently stroking Dana's back. Turning to his left Xander continued, "This is Graham Miller and next to him Sam Finn. Which just leaves the resident wiccan wonder Amy," who sat on the floor next to Kennedy, "And lastly our Dawnie."

"Don't call me that. You know I am all grown up now."

"Always be my baby sister Dawn Patrol. Where you gonna sit?"

"Right here." She burrowed her way onto the couch between Xander and Graham, earning a "**Hey**!" from both men. "Oh please, we need you two concentrating not off in la-la land, so no touching 'til we're done."

"Hey, I have some self-control you know."

"Since when?"

"Gray help me out here."

"Forget it X, he's as bad as you are. You all ready?" Faith glanced round, "Well someone's gotta start, might as well be me." All eyes went to her as she began to tell her story.

"After the First and Sunnydale it was kinda chaos for awhile but when we settled down Giles started to re-build the Council. We had so many Slayers to find and it was like a whole new world – no more Chosen One. We had plenty of people to fight the good fight. G offered me the same deal Buffy got, time off semi-retirement; guess he figured she'd done her time. But I still needed this; needed to fight, pay back more for the past. So when things shook out I went to Cleveland with Robin and a couple of baby Slayers. The other girls from Sunnydale were all given cities of their own to watch and newbies to train but Cleveland had the active Hellmouth and it suited us."

_Finding a house, making it a home. The first real one she'd ever had. Being in charge, the one the girls looked up to. Not being second choice any more, out of Buffy's shadow. It'd felt so right. Having a man who loved her, all of her and was going to stick around. She'd found her place and was at peace and enjoying life._

"The idea was that Robin and I would be permanent guardians and the Council would switch the other girls in and out. Kinda like an internship once they'd finished their training in England, give them a chance to for some practical experience with the longest surviving active Slayer before they took up their own posts. For the first year or so it worked, then something changed, the girls they sent just weren't trained properly, they were a fucking liability in the field 'cept for a couple that came direct from Xan in Africa. Then after the worst ones left they didn't send any replacements and I was stuck trying to control the Hellmouth on my own. We called and called but could never get G on the phone and they kept brushing us off with excuses, saying they had a crisis and couldn't spare anybody or that we were wrong about needing help. It might have gone on longer but a couple of months ago I figured out I was pregnant."

_Sitting in the bathroom, eyes locked on a bright blue line on a test kit. Scared, excited and worried. Wondering how she could be a mother, praying she could do this right, that Robin would want this too. Finally creeping downstairs, Robin's face anxious, knowing something was up with her. A stuttered explanation, joy blooming on her husband's face, strong arms wrapping round her, a feeling of complete and utter love surrounding her. Talk long into the night, making plans; dreaming of a family, a future._

"Robin flipped then, didn't want me patrolling or risking the baby at all, there shouldn't have been a need to anyway, after Red's spell there were plenty of Slayers to take my place. We still couldn't get hold of anyone we knew in England and the people we did speak to wouldn't help. I finally got hold of Vi and Rhona and they came up to help out. When they arrived they told us they'd had the same problems as us, they'd been given Detroit to watch over, but the Council had stopped sending them help months ago and weren't talking to them either. Robin decided enough was enough and he caught a flight to England six weeks ago. He called me a couple of days later, told me no one seemed to know where to find G, but that he had an appointment with Andrew the next day." She broke off pain on her face, silent tears forming in her eyes, "We never spoke again. According to the Council he lied about everything. They said they'd never received any calls from him, accused us of breaking off contact with them. Told me that he'd never arranged to speak to Andrew, that nobody from the Council had seen or heard from him in over a year. The official word is that he ran off." Eyes and voice fierce now, "He didn't, he wouldn't. He loved us, wanted us. He could never have done that."

Dana stirred and twisted in Xander's lap reaching one hand up to gently cup the older Slayer's face, "Don't be sad. Faith loved. Dana saw, remembers, Robin loves."

"I know lil sis. I'm ok, or will be once we settle this."

"Didn't like the bloke but he wouldn't run out on you, not his style. 'Specially with his history, what I did to his mum. Would've made him fight harder, look after you and the sprog."

"Thanks Bleach. He changed you know, what you did for all of us really made him think. He never thought you could do something like that, kept expecting you to turn on us, when you didn't it changed how he saw the world. Finally made him understand it wasn't always black and white. Don't think you'd ever have been friends but he respected that you'd changed, would've been glad to hear you were back. After I gave up on getting any answers from the Council I started getting calls. Slayers from Sunnydale that were being treated like us, the remnants of the initiative, Red's coven and a bunch of others; all of us getting snow jobs from England, all of us missing people; so we started gathering together, figured safety in numbers and maybe we could pool info and figure out what was going on."

"What about Buffy? What did she say when you contacted her?"

Xander cut him off before he could ask more, "Angel we know you got questions. We'll answer them but you have to hear us out first ok? You'll know everything when we're done."

"I guess I'm next," Sam Finn spoke up. "After the last time we were in Sunnydale the government sent us overseas. I think the new administration just wanted to get rid of us. They wanted nothing to do with the preternatural world and I think they were hoping if they sent us somewhere dangerous enough we'd stop being a problem. We wound up in Africa and basically were cut loose, we still got supplies and stuff from home but so long as we stayed under the radar the bosses didn't care what we did. Trouble is we were only trained for one thing, fighting demons and none of us wanted to turn our backs on that so we just kept going. We'd get reports of strange creatures or unexplained deaths and track down the demons responsible. We usually got there too late to save everyone but at least it still felt like we were helping, maybe preventing future deaths.

_It hadn't been enough. The lines had started to blur, they'd begun to wonder if they were still the good guys, the heroes. The soldiers had gotten more brittle, harder with each fight. They didn't have a goal any more, and without it they'd begun to fall apart. Always moving, looking for the next fight, the next death. Never knowing peace. It could have been the end of them all. She'd only stayed for Riley but it had torn her up, watching him fade away, lose more of himself each day._

"Two years ago we ran into Xan and he told us what had happened in Sunnydale. He'd come to Africa to look for Slayers and was finding them everywhere. Trouble was they didn't all want to go to England for training, it was too different for them, they wanted to stay and you could see their point; it wasn't as though Africa didn't have demons that needed killing and innocents that needed protecting. We started to help him out, first just tracking down the girls, then we realised we could do more. We requisitioned a bunch of equipment and supplies and got our boss to talk to the Council. Somebody must have liked our ideas 'cos we got permission to set up a permanent base, like a training school for the Slayers, we could teach them to use their gifts and train them on all the technology and weapons we'd developed. We still helped out with keeping the demon population under control but it wasn't our primary focus any more. For the first time in a long while it felt like we were doing good again, like we had a purpose.

Then one day we got a tip, from a usually reliable source, he told us that a pack of Nibthoz demons had been raiding villages and carrying off the children; keeping them and training them as slaves. He gave us a time and a location for the auction when the kids were going to be sold on. We planned the raid so carefully; it wasn't as though we hadn't done jobs like this before. It should have been so easy. Fifty trained soldiers and a dozen Slayers, with tech support and shamans watching our backs. There were only supposed to be two-dozen Nibthoz and fifteen Fyarls acting as guards. They had a couple of shamans of their own but none in our league. It should have been a walk in the park. Nothing that we couldn't handle, it all went wrong so quickly."

_Creeping up to the perimeter, easily bypassing the wards, approaching the slave pens; trying to calm the frightened children as the main part of the squad took on the demons. One pen left, with hindsight the inhabitants were different, all girls, cleaner, healthier looking than the other slaves. Opening the gate, girls fighting them, not understanding at first. Thinking they were brainwashed, still seeing victims, trying to talk to them, calm them. Blood spurting from the neck of the man next to her; bodies, comrades falling and dying. Realising too late the girls weren't frightened, weren't victims. Magic in the air, weapons failing; soldiers screaming, running to the gates. Suddenly fighting a girl half her size, twice her strength. Understanding far too late, the girls from the last pen were Slayers. Slayers fighting them, killing them, Slayers defending demons._

"Only a handful of us made it out, it was a blood bath. We didn't know what to do, who we could trust, our bosses had cut us off, according to them we didn't exist and we were too spooked to contact the Council. Finally we managed to track down Graham and Xan, they already knew some of it. They told us things were falling apart all over and said we should get to Cleveland and they'd try to meet us if they could.

When we got there, Riley…..kinda lost it. He felt so responsible, he was in charge and he blamed himself for all the deaths. He kept going over and over it in his head trying to figure out what he could have done. None of us could get him to stop. Faith managed to convince him that the Council was compromised; then he got it into his head to contact Buffy. He couldn't believe she'd any idea what was going on, he thought she'd be able to fix things. When she didn't return his calls, he caught a flight to Rome. That was two weeks ago."

_Brooding in her room in the Cleveland house, worry and anger fighting for dominance in her mind. Wanting him home, safe. A little jealous that he ran to Buffy but more frightened that his loyalty was misplaced. Finally getting a call, relief at hearing his voice, "Hi Sam. I'm ok. I managed to get here safe and sound. Got an address to check out tomorrow. Going to get some room service and then settle down to a night of missing you," Knock on his door clearly heard down the phone line, "That'll be my dinner, gonna get all fat from this Italian food. Will you still love me if I'm cuddly? Back in a sec " Sound of the phone being put down, his footsteps across a wooden floor, door opening. Then his voice again, from further away but still clear, "Buffy. **Wow** how'd you know I was here? I was going to come see you. You won't believe what's been happen……….." thud of something heavy hitting the ground. More footsteps, lighter this time, phone put back in its cradle. Dead air, no answer when she calls again, hotel manager who swears there's never been anyone in that room. Panic and despair setting in, crying huddled on the floor of her room. Faith slipping in, holding her, offering words of comfort neither woman really believes._

"We haven't heard from him since. According to all official records he never went to Italy, never even left America. Even our phone records have been altered, but we put him on the plane and I talked to him, I know what I heard. We've a couple of people in Rome but nobody is willing to talk with them and they can't find any trace of him. It's like he just vanished." Pushing herself up from the floor, "Sorry I can't do this. I've already heard the rest, Xan can answer your questions, I just have to get out of here for awhile."

"She'll be ok. It's just that she doesn't know, not for sure." Kennedy sounded so tired as she spoke, " I guess it's my turn now."

_tbc_


	6. Chapter 5 How We Came To This Part 2

The White Knight's War 

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes

Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker.

Authors Notes 3: I know this has taken awhile but I had to keep reworking it I just can't get Kennedy to sound right, I'm still not happy with this chap but I'm posting it anyway so I can get on with the story as I've already got the next few chaps written. So apologies and hope you enjoy it a bit.

_Authors Notes 4: for the purposes of this chapter everything in italics is a flashback/memory_

* * *

**How We Came To This Part Two**

Kennedy refused to meet anyone's eyes and her voice was tired and strained as she began to speak, "After Sunnydale we travelled for a bit, just living, Willow was free for the first time in years and the spell she'd used to activate the Slayers had removed the last of the taint from her magic. We killed demons if we happened across them, but we didn't go looking for trouble. We were enjoying a vacation, just getting to know each other without all the Slayer and apocalypse stuff getting in the way." Kennedy's eyes closed for a second as she remembered those carefree months.

_She'd fallen hard for Willow and as they'd spent more time alone together they'd forged a connection deeper than either woman had expected. She'd taken Willow home to meet her parents and watched as her oh so powerful lover became a babbling wreck once she realised how wealthy Kennedy's family really were. Willow had panicked and worried that she wasn't good enough or that they wouldn't like her, finally Kennedy had resorted to calling Xander who'd been able to talk Willow down enough that she stopped wanting to run away. It would have been easy for Kennedy to be jealous of the connection between the two old friends and the easy way Xander had of making Willow listen, but she knew that they loved each other as family and that she was the one who held Willow's heart. When she'd finally met Kennedy's parents they'd welcomed her with open arms, they realised that this quiet, charming young woman had a great deal to do with the remarkable changes in their daughter. Kennedy had left a wild and reckless young woman who'd had a knack for attracting trouble; now she seemed much more stable, relaxed and settled. The only dark spot in that time had been Amy, they'd found the former Sunnydale resident living on the streets; a broken and battered remnant of the woman they'd last seen. The young Wicca had finally come to understand how wrong she'd been in Sunnydale and had fallen apart. Her father had been unable to cope with another witch in the family and wanted nothing to do with her; so she was homeless and, out of guilt, she had blocked off her magic. Kennedy had still been angry about the spell Amy had set on Willow in Sunnydale, which had almost destroyed their relationship before it began, but Willow felt Amy deserved another chance. They'd sent her to England and the coven which had helped Willow to recover after her magical breakdown._

"After a few months we knew it was time to get back to work so we called Giles and asked what the Council had for us. At first he wanted Willow to teach at the headquarters but neither of us wanted that. Then the coven detected a nascent Hellmouth in Rio, it was just in the process of forming, so it wasn't as dangerous as the one in Cleveland. Giles and the coven thought that maybe if we went there we could stop it from developing further. They had a theory that Hellmouths immediately start attracting demons to them because they require demonic energy and the blood from the demons' victims in order to grow. So if Willow used her magic to mask the signal from the Hellmouth and I kept the demon population down we could literally starve the Hellmouth and stop it from growing big enough to be a problem."

_It had been a magical time, they'd found a hacienda near the ocean and, with Kennedy's trust fund, had been able to buy it and fit it out in style. Kennedy and the two trainee Slayers, who'd accompanied them, were easily able to control the local nightlife and Willow had spent time studying with local witches and shamans, learning new forms of magic. It had been lazy days wandering the local markets and exploring the city that had quickly become their home and nights filled with love and laughter. Dancing at the clubs, participating at one of the many local fiestas, patrolling the back alleys and keeping their city safe. Nights of making love with the first woman who'd ever truly touched her heart. They'd been happy, content even, then in a heartbeat, everything had changed. _

"We'd heard rumours about some deaths in a nearby village, savage murders, where the bodies had been ripped apart. We assumed it was a demon, even though Willow hadn't been able to identify or locate a demon in the area, we just thought it was some breed that could mask itself from magic. We spent several days tracking it up into the hills, when we finally saw it……….it looked like a young girl; but we still thought it was a demon, we'd seen creatures that had human forms before and some that could shapeshift. We just never considered anything else. It…no, she, attacked the minute she saw us, she was wild, feral even, yelling about wanting our blood, about killing us; then she saw Willow and it was like she just stopped, froze, then she screamed." Kennedy grimaced as she remembered that inhuman sound. "She went all out then, grabbed a knife from her belt and flew at Willow. I went after her, I didn't understand what had happened, Willow was just standing there; she didn't even try to defend herself. I got there just in time, I had to kill her to stop her from gutting Willow; even then I didn't get it. Willow was practically catatonic and I had to guide her back to the village. I was terrified; I thought the demon had done something to her. When we arrived she asked to speak to the village elders and the village shaman. She asked them about the girl, wanted to know who she was."

_As the elders had begun to speak Kennedy had finally realised what had spooked Willow so badly. They'd been told about a young girl, Alena, who had been a normal fourteen year old until one night, a few months earlier, she'd woken up screaming about demons. Alena had never been the same after that night; she'd become stronger than anyone the elders had ever seen and she'd abused that strength. First just by bullying the other children, then she'd moved onto the adults. Taking whatever she wanted, hurting anybody that got in her way. The first people she'd killed had been her parents, after that she'd seemed to crave death, killing on a whim then disappearing for days at a time. _

The week that followed had been agony for Kennedy. She'd had to deal with the fact that she'd killed a person, not just another demon but a sister Slayer. It haunted her; she wondered could that have happened to her? If the power had been thrust into her without warning, if she hadn't been found by the council, if she hadn't been in Sunnydale, if she hadn't known the truth about what she'd become, would the spoilt brat she used to be have abused the gifts in the same way as Alena? Without Willow, would she have become a monster too?

Willow was even worse, she withdrew into her mind; she blamed herself for every death Alena had caused. She'd cast the spell that gave the girl her powers and she felt responsible for the murders Alena had committed. She believed the blood was on her hands. Eventually Kennedy had put aside her own grief to concentrate on helping her lover. She managed to persuade Willow to return to their home and once there had started trying to reach the heartbroken woman. At first it had been so hard, she'd had to practically force Willow to eat and sleep; and the Wicca wouldn't talk at all and absolutely refused to use magic. Kennedy had left the defence of the city to the two new Slayers that Xander had just sent from Africa and focused all her energies on Willow. When nothing else seemed to work she'd tried to contact the Scoobies, figuring they'd be able to reach Willow, pull her back from the edge. Giles and Buffy didn't return her calls; and nobody she talked to had any idea where to find Xander.

As a last resort she contacted the coven and help came in the unexpected form of Amy. The young Wicca had changed since Willow and Kennedy had last seen her; she'd come to terms with her past and become a full member of the coven. The traumatised and broken child they'd sent to England had returned a calm and self-controlled woman. She spent hours talking to Willow, gradually drawing the red head out of her guilt and grief and back into the light. It had seemed that everything was going to be fine; then Andrew had shown up.

"He said he'd been sent by Giles, that he had important business to discuss with Willow. She was so fragile still and I tried so hard to keep him away from her; but one night, when I had to help the others with a large vampire nest they'd found, he ambushed her. He had these files on a bunch of girls he said were Slayers that the Council hadn't found in time. Slayers who didn't know what they were, where their new abilities came from, Slayers who'd abused their gifts. He forced her to look at photograph after photograph of dead and mutilated bodies; people who'd supposedly been murdered by these rogue Slayers, he told her that she was responsible so she had to help stop them before anyone else died. By the time I got back Willow was un-consolable and Amy was about two seconds away from turning the little shit into a rat. I was going to beat the crap out of the bastard, but only managed to get in a couple of punches before Willow stopped me, at least I managed to break his nose and crack a few of his ribs. I just wanted him to leave 'cos Willow was hurting so much and she'd only just started to recover from what had happened with Alena. Then he started talking again, he said that he'd been with Buffy in Rome and that she'd discovered a spell that would find all the Slayers in the world and then bind them together so that none of them would ever be able to misuse their powers; but that it would require great power to cast the spell and that it could only be done if Willow went to Rome and helped them.

I wanted to know more, I mean it all seemed so convenient, first Alena, then Andrew and his lousy files, then this spell and everyone we could ask about it was suddenly unavailable. I wanted to wait until I could go with her or at least until we managed to speak to Giles but Willow refused to wait. She grabbed at the idea of this spell she hadn't even seen, she just wanted badly for it to work because she felt so guilty about the deaths; and before I could stop her she was booking her plane ticket." Kennedy stopped for a second and her hand moved up to her neck, she pulled a necklace from underneath her shirt and started to caress the broken crystal that hung from the slender chain. Seeing everyone else looking at the object she was holding, she explained. "It's a heartstone, Willow and I got them on our first anniversary. Two matching crystals, she put a spell of binding on them, a few drops of our blood on each stone to bind our life forces together. She said it was like a mystical marriage without all the fuss and bother of a wedding."

As Kennedy broke off the listeners could all see the pain and grief etched on her face as she forced herself to continue her story, "She left the next day, she was so sure that Buffy had found the answer, that this spell would fix everything. I begged her to wait but she just wanted to get on with it, wanted all the pain and guilt to stop."

_Driving them to the airport, both so nervous, it would be the first time they'd been apart since they'd admitted how they felt about each other back in Sunnydale. She'd amused herself en route by explaining, in graphic detail, all the things she'd do to Andrew if he said or did anything to upset Willow in any way. The Wicca had barely noticed, she'd been so wrapped up in her hopes for the spell and already had begun focusing on what she'd need to do in Rome. Standing at the gate, her arms tight around Willow's waist, staring into pain filled green eyes, trying to show how much she loved Willow, needed her. Kissing her goodbye, the passion flaring between them as it always did, wishing they'd had at least one more night together before this separation. Standing, watching as her heart walked away. _

The first few days she called all the time, she was so excited about the spell, so sure it would fix everything. She said she didn't like the Immortal much, that he didn't feel right to her; but Buffy trusted him and that was enough for Willow, she stopped trusting her own judgement after everything that had happened. Then the calls stopped, and when I finally managed to get a hold of Buffy, she said I couldn't talk to Willow 'cos she was on some kind of mystical retreat preparing for the ritual.

Two nights later I woke up screaming, there was a pain in my chest and my throat, like nothing I'd ever experienced before. Then I felt her, Willow. She just appeared in the room, hanging in the air at the end of the bed. She looked like she did in Sunnydale, when she did the spell to awaken the potentials, her eyes and skin were glowing and her hair was white. She was incorporeal and I could see on her face she was in a lot of pain; she had a huge wound in her throat, like a chunk had been torn out of it, and she was covered in blood. She told me she loved me; that she was sorry, that she should have listened to me. She said we'd be in danger if we stayed in Rio. She said we'd have to leave and made me promise not to trust Buffy. I remember hearing Amy come into the room, but I couldn't see her because I didn't dare tear my eyes away from Willow in case she vanished as quickly as she'd appeared. She told Amy she was sorry; that she had no choice, that Amy should prepare herself. Then she did something, we're still not exactly sure how, but suddenly Amy was floating right in front of her and I could literally see Willow forcing power into Amy's body, it looked like it was causing them both so much pain but Willow wouldn't stop. When she finished Amy was unconscious and when Willow released her hold Amy just collapsed to the floor. I could see Willow was much weaker; she was fading, less substantial than she'd been. She came closer to me; she told me she loved me again, wanted me to promise to be strong for her, not to give up. She sort of leaned into me and I swear I felt her lips touch mine. Then she was just gone, vanished, a second later I felt my heartstone crack and break. When I looked down it had broken completely in two and the two halves were bleeding along the broken edges. The pain in my throat and chest just stopped, that's when I knew Willow was gone, that she was dead."

As Kennedy could no longer hold back her tears and was in no fit state to keep going; Amy took up the story from there. "I came to a couple of hours later. Kennedy was curled up on the bed crying, she was completely unresponsive and I was pretty much panicking. Willow," the Wicca paused and took a deep breath, "Willow used her last moments, her last strength, to try and protect us all. She dumped all of her personal power, and the extra power she'd gathered for the ritual, into me, along with her memories of everything that had happened in Rome and what she'd sensed once the ritual had started. Trouble was, by itself the power was too much, no human body was meant to contain that much and I didn't have the first clue how to control it. I also knew we didn't have time for me to figure out how to get control. I knew we had to leave, Willow made sure she drilled into me that the Buffy and the Immortal would be sending people after us. They needed the power Willow had gifted me to perform their ritual and they needed to make sure we never had the chance to tell anyone what they were really up to. They couldn't afford to let us live. I managed to get the other Slayers to help me with Kennedy and we stole a car and just hit the road. I managed to get a little control over the magic and was able to keep us warded so we couldn't be tracked.

At first we were just heading away, but we needed a plan so we headed for the USA, I figured at least there we'd be on home ground and that Kennedy and I would have people we could call on for help. We found out later that our house was attacked not long after we left, levelled to the ground by dark magic. As soon as we got over the border we found a hotel and, once I set up the wards around the building, I was free to try and get some kind of control of the power Willow had given me and to try and sort through her memories for any information that could help us. Unfortunately the second I opened my mind I collapsed again, my brain just couldn't cope with all the power and images at once. That was enough to reach Kennedy, it brought her out of herself, she watched over me and looked after me for the three days I was out cold. Like I said I wasn't meant to have this power so I had to change, physically and mentally, so I'd be able to contain it. When I came to I had better control of the magic and access to all of Willow's memories.

I knew that we had to get to Cleveland, that we'd find the help we needed there."

_tbc_


	7. Chapter 6 How We Came To This Part 3

**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker.

_Authors Notes 3: for the purposes of this chapter everything in italics is a flashback/memory_

* * *

**How We Came To This Part 3**

The AI crew were becoming more and more disturbed with each story they heard, Angel especially looked as though he was ready to burst, he wanted to know everything all at once; but Xander and his friends knew that the worst was yet to come and that the vampire was going to hate every second of it.

Dawn shifted slightly on the couch, snuggling closer to Xander and then began to speak, "After Sunnydale Buffy and I went to Rome. It was like a dream come true at first. We grieved for the people we lost," at that her pain filled eyes locked for a moment with Spike's before she ducked her head and resumed her story, "But it was like we were free for the first time ever, we had the life she promised we'd have. Giles assigned a couple of Slayers to the city, so Buffy didn't even have to patrol. We weren't the Slayer and the Key; we were just two sisters enjoying life. We got this amazing apartment and we could do anything we wanted. We could just be normal, and I hoped it would never end. We shopped like it was the end of the world, maxing out all the Council credit cards, explored the city during the day and went out almost every night. It was just the two of us and, as much as I missed Xan and Willow, it was perfect. I don't think I'd ever been happier.

After awhile Buffy thought we should start planning for our future, so I started studying for my GED and she enrolled at a local international college and began looking into getting her degree. We hadn't even seen a vampire or demon since we got there and everything seemed to just fall into place, like the universe was rewarding us by giving us some peace. We did make a few friends but mostly it was just the two of us. It felt like we were connecting, you know, being a family.

Then one night we were out clubbing and that's when Buffy met him, The Immortal. He isn't that much to look at, but he's charismatic, got that kinda arrogance that makes him seem attractive, a sense of power and supreme self-confidence I suppose. At first Buffy turned him down flat, she said she wasn't interested in any relationship; that it was our time, but he pursued her, romanced her. He sent her beautiful gifts, kept showing up whenever we went out. She was flattered and intrigued, we could tell he wasn't human but from everything we'd heard about him we figured he wasn't evil, just different. Buffy said that he didn't set her spidey sense off the way a demon would. After a few weeks he wore her down and she agreed to have dinner with him. He pulled out all the stops; sent a limo to pick her up, booked out the entire restaurant, had the chef make her favourite dishes and even hired a bloody violinist to serenade her; it was like every romantic cliché in the book and she loved every second of it. She fell and fell hard, for the next few weeks he was all she could think about, when she wasn't with him she was talking about him. I didn't really like him much but I figured I was just a bit jealous that she had less time for me, and that felt kinda petty. I was happy for her, she seemed like she was finally living her life instead of just going through the motions, I missed what we'd had but it was nice watching her be all giddy and girly.

Then he invited her to spend the weekend at an estate he owned just outside the city. She was so excited; it took her the best part of two days to figure out what to take with her and to get packed and ready to go. She was so happy, I remember she hugged me just before she left, told me that she knew this guy was special. She'd waited for years to have a normal life and a normal relationship and now it looked like she'd have it all. That was the last time she told me she loved me. The last time she was herself.

_The Buffy that had returned to Rome had been as different as the one who'd left as night was to day. It had worried Dawn badly, gone was the laughing, carefree girl Buffy had become in the months since they'd arrived in Rome and in her place was 'The Slayer'; all business, cold and hard, like she'd been in Sunnydale in the run up to the last battle. She'd swept Dawn's concerns aside, told her that their vacation was over and she'd decided to accept her duties and responsibilities. She contacted the other Slayers and sent their watchers back to England, saying she was all the back up they needed and the three of them went out all night, every night. She stopped talking to Dawn and only showed up at their apartment when she needed to fetch a change of clothes, more often than not timing her brief visits to coincide with one of Dawn's classes so they wouldn't see each other at all. Any time she had left after patrolling Buffy spent with The Immortal and there was nothing left for Dawn._

Things got worse when Andrew arrived, Giles had sent him over as a kind of trainee watcher, he had all the book knowledge and Giles had figured Buffy could keep him alive long enough for him to get some practical experience so that he could become a field watcher. Now Buffy, The Immortal and Andrew withdrew even further, they began to disappear for days at a time, never letting Dawn know if they were alright or telling her what was going on. She'd felt completely alone, isolated. Then Andrew left town for a few days alone and, when he came back, Willow was with him.

"She looked so bad, worn down, but Buffy didn't seem to care. She didn't give Willow any time to get herself together, didn't try to help her at all. She just wanted Willow to perform these spells they'd found. I didn't know what she was going on about but I heard Willow say that she'd rather have time to study the spells first, so she could understand them better; but Buffy kept pushing her, saying there wasn't time for that, telling Willow that more people would die if they waited. When Buffy said that Willow looked so devasted, guilty, and then she just agreed to everything Buffy wanted. Willow needed some special ingredients for the spell and Buffy said she could get them, whilst she was gone Willow and I had a chance to talk. She told me about everything that had happened in Rio and all about the rogue Slayers Andrew had told her about. She said that Buffy had found two spells, one that would bind her to The Immortal, make him her mate and fulfil some prophecy about the White Knight, and the other spell would essentially call all the Slayers in the world to the two of them. She said that it would bind all the Slayers together, give them a common purpose, so that even the ones they hadn't been able to find would be drawn to Buffy. It would make them loyal to the fight and would make sure none of them could ever abuse their gifts.

She explained that the combination of the two spells would require an enormous amount of power, more than even she had, but that The Immortal had found a way around that. He'd found a way for her to tap into my power, the power of the Key, and that the best part was that she'd be able to separate it. She promised that she'd be able to get all of the Key out of me and just leave me a normal girl. God I wanted that so badly I didn't think about anything else; didn't want to look to deeply at any of it in case it went away. It was a chance for me to be free and there was nothing I wanted more.

_They'd all moved out to the Immortal's estate and begun to prepare for the rituals. Dawn had barely seen Buffy during this time but she'd had Willow for company and the preparations kept them both busy. Finally the day arrived and, as the sun set, they gathered in the large courtyard they'd chosen as the ritual site. Over the previous few days Willow had prepared the area and set it up exactly as she needed it to be. Two large altar stones dominated the space and set between them was a stone pillar topped with a large crystal that Willow was planning on using as the receptacle for the power of the key. Willow and Dawn took their places on the altar stones and Buffy stood at Dawn's feet whilst The Immortal took an identical stance in front of Willow._

After a brief check that everyone was positioned correctly and was ready, Willow began to chant the initial stages of the spell. At first it all went exactly as they had planned, Dawn felt Willow's presence inside her, touching that part of her that she could never reach, slowly drawing the power of the Key away from her. Then Andrew walked into the courtyard, he was carrying a large book and chanting a spell of his own. Dawn felt the change immediately, the feeling of peace and connection with Willow was ripped away from her and in its place she felt pain. She could no longer move her body and when she forced her gaze to the left, so she could see Willow, she realised that the Wicca was so lost in the magics that she was unaware of her surroundings. Buffy had moved away from her position and held a sword in her hand; she used it to smash the crystal on the pillar. Then she and The Immortal moved up and stood between the altar stones, she handed the sword to her lover and he used it to make short, deep cuts, first in Willow's right hand, then both of his, then both of Buffy's and finally Dawn's left hand. Dropping the sword to the ground The Immortal grasped hands with Willow and Buffy, who then reached for Dawn's hand. When their wounds touched a connection was formed at the deepest level between the four of them and Dawn felt the Key's power fully for the first time in her life.

"I knew it was wrong, none of it was going like we'd planned, I was screaming at Willow to stop the spell, but I don't think she could even hear me at that point. Her eyes were glowing but she wasn't there with us in the courtyard, she was lost inside the spell. I managed to move my head a little and I could see Andrew still chanting, I could tell he was interfering somehow, but I didn't know what he was doing. When I looked down at my body I could see I was fading, I could see the light of the Key, I was all green and swirly and I really started to panic," Dawn's voice was becoming more broken and strained as she struggled to continue her tale, "I was screaming then, begging them to stop, begging Buffy to help me. I could fell myself slipping away…….. I was losing myself, losing Dawn. I screamed at her again, told her she was killing me. Buffy moved then, closer to me, so I could see her face. She looked at me, right at me, and her eyes. God they weren't her eyes…….they were black and cold and dead and she was just looking at me and I was dying and pleading with her………. And she just said she knew…..she knew I was dying and it didn't matter because I wasn't real……….she said I wasn't real."

With that Dawn couldn't take anymore and collapsed into tears, Dana got up and moved to sit between Graham and Sam allowing Xander to pull the weeping girl onto his lap and try to comfort her. He whispered words of reassurance into her ears, telling her that she was real, was loved, that she was Dawn that she belonged; and eventually her sobs began to quieten down, but she was still far too upset to talk.

Amy offered to explain what had happened, as she had access to Willow's memories, she was the only person who really understood anyway, "When Willow arrived in Rome Buffy told her about the spells, normally a witch would want to study anything that powerful, make sure they understood all the nuances, but Buffy kept pushing her, saying that waiting would cost more lives and Willow was already feeling so bad about Alena she allowed herself to be persuaded. The idea of using Dawn's power made her a little nervous, but she knew how much it would mean to Dawn not to have to be the Key anymore. She would have liked to discuss the spells with the coven or with Giles but Buffy and The Immortal never gave her the time.

When the spell started Willow had to reach deeper inside herself then she ever had before, channelling that much power was harder than she'd imagined. By the time she realised things weren't going as they'd planned it was almost too late. She never felt Andrew come into the courtyard or noticed him cast the binding spells. When she became aware of her surroundings she wasn't able to move at all, she saw Buffy smash the crystal but couldn't do anything to stop them. It was taking everything she had at that point to keep the power of the Key from destroying everything and if she'd diverted even a little of her attention to stopping Andrew, she'd have lost all control. Then they made their big mistake, the blood connection, that allowed Willow a chance. They thought they had it all under their control, but even after everything Buffy had seen Willow do in the past, they still completely underestimated her."

_As Buffy's hand touched Dawn's, Willow felt herself pulled from her body, the magic streamed through her pulling her first into The Immortal's mind and then Buffy's. She saw everything; she knew exactly what they were trying to do. She'd known that The Immortal hadn't fit all the conditions of the White Knight prophecy but they'd persuaded her it didn't matter, that the fact that Buffy was the senior Slayer and he was her love, her choice, meant that they could override the conditions. They'd lied to her and now she could see what they really meant to happen. There was someone who did fulfil all the terms of the prophecy and to make it possible for The Immortal to take his place, they had to kill him. The spell Andrew was chanting now would allow that. Would reach across thousands of miles and into the real White Knight, rip into his soul and steal everything that kept him alive. This spell would kill him, would kill Xander as surely as the original spell was now killing Dawn._

That was something Willow refused to allow that happen, reaching even deeper into Buffy and The Immortal, she tried to see what had happened, tried to figure out a weak point, a way to stop them. She saw them back when they first met, saw them talking, saw Buffy explaining how she felt resentful of the other Slayers, how she used to be the One and now she felt like she was overlooked, saw The Immortal telling Buffy she deserved more, he could give her more, telling her she should have power, should be the one in charge, saying that she'd sacrificed so much she should be rewarded for it. Time skipped forward and she saw them on their first weekend together, kneeling in this same courtyard, The Immortal chanting ancient words of magic, Buffy willingly accepting the power he offered, giving up her humanity for a chance to be the best again. Night after night of patrolling, fighting, killing and, after awhile, the deaths became more vicious, more cruel, more bloody; and some of the victims weren't just evil any more, weren't just demons, Buffy had started to kill humans. First murderers, rapists, men who could be considered evil, then the deaths became random, she just killed anyone, demon or human, that got in her way. Willow saw that with each new kill, with each drop of innocent blood shed, Buffy lost another piece of her soul, 'til in the end, there was nothing human left in her; just the power and the demon and the connection to the Immortal. At that Willow realised that her friend, the girl she thought of as family was already gone, already dead and there was nothing she could do to bring Buffy back. She'd lost yet another member of her family but she was damned if she was going to lose Dawn and Xander too.

"Dawn had almost completely gone by then, you couldn't even see her any more, but Willow wrenched control of the spells away from Andrew and started to repair the damage, she couldn't stop any of the spells, they'd gone too far for that, so she had to try and use them herself. She reached into the link between The Immortal and Xander and reversed the flow, They hadn't thought she was capable of that, it shouldn't have been possible, once she was sure Xander was going to be ok she switched her attention back to Dawn, Trying to reverse the damage was so hard even for Willow. She had to concentrate every last piece of her mind and her power just to stop Dawn from fading completely. The binding spells Andrew had cast meant that she still couldn't move her physical body and with all her attention on fixing Dawn she was completely vulnerable.

When The Immortal and Buffy realised what she was doing they tried to get Andrew to intervene, but he simply didn't have the power, when Willow had pulled the control from him, the pain from the backlash had left him incapable of being able to help magically. They knew that if Willow was given enough time she'd not only be able to restore Dawn, but that she'd also be able to stop them, they were no match for her magically but while she was working on Dawn she couldn't protect herself." Knowing how hard this last piece of the story was going to be on everyone there, Amy paused for a second before steeling herself to finish, "Buffy stepped right up to Willow and started to hit her, I guess she was trying to break Willow's concentration, if that had happened the power of the Key would have flared out of control and killed her, but Willow didn't stop, didn't even really register the blows. A second or two later and Dawn was almost fully restored although she was still unconscious, they must have realised they were almost beaten, The Immortal forced his mind into Willow's trying to distract her, and while she was blocking him, Buffy ripped her throat out.

If Willow hadn't been channelling so much power she would have died instantly, as it was she was left with a choice. She could use the power she held to heal herself, in which case the spells would revert back to the way they had been intended before she intervened; which would mean Xander and Dawn would die and Buffy and The Immortal would have access to immeasurable power; or she could allow herself to die and protect the people she loved. For Willow it was never really a choice at all. The first thing she did was use the connection to Xander to activate the White Knight prophecy so that she could be sure he was beyond their reach and that he'd have the knowledge we'd need to stop them, then she used some of the power of the Key to rip open a portal and send Dawn to Faith, so that she'd be safe from Buffy. Her final act was to come to Kennedy in Rio and we've already talked about that. When she left us I felt her slip away, I was connected to her to the end, she didn't regret what she'd done, she just wished she'd been able to stop them permanently so we wouldn't have to. I know she's at peace now, she made the only choice she could and trusted us to finish this"

Her tears under control now Dawn was able to finish the story, " Faith told me I gave everyone quite a scare, just popping out of thin air in the middle of the living room. I was out cold for three days, when I first woke up…… I didn't even remember what happened, how I got there. Then when Amy and Kennedy arrived it all kinda snapped back into place. I know what Willow had to do for us and we're not going to let that be in vain, she left me with something, a way I can help, I'm not just going to sit this one out. We will stop them, with or without your help." Dawn sat up straighter on Xander's lap and stared at Angel and his friends, enjoying the look of shock on their faces as her eyes bled from brown to green and sparks danced across the outstretched palms of her hands.

_tbc…….._


	8. Chapter 7 How We Came To This Part Four

  
**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel

Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc

Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.

Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.

Authors Notes 2: Please make an author happy and review and I promise it'll make me write quicker.

_Authors Notes 3: for the purposes of this chapter everything in italics is a flashback/memory_

**How We Came To This Part 4**

Dawn giggled as she saw how her small display of power had shocked Angel and his friends. "Isn't it great Spike, you should see me when I access all of it, I took out a whole nest by myself," she squeaked as Xander's arms tightened almost painfully around her waist.

"**You did what?**"

"Erm…not a nest ……a couple of vamps, I kinda came across by accident…… when I was out……getting ice-cream."

"Dawn, dammit I told you to stick to the hotel, not go off hunting by yourself."

"I have to learn how to use this Xan, I need to be a part of this."

"You are. But if I catch you heading out alone again, I'll ground you for the rest of your natural life. Understand?"

"I'm not a kid any more Xander. You can't ground me."

"Want to bet."

"Kennedy goes out on **her** own."

Xander's gaze shifted to the young Slayer, "Not any more she doesn't. I'll lock you in your room if I have to Dawn. I'm not losing you, just 'cos you think you've got something to prove, you can handle yourself better than most but I'm not letting you throw your life away."

"Fine, spoil my fun."

"Niblet, listen to Xander, if you want to go out I'll watch over you." Spike couldn't get over how much the young girl had grown and changed, but he was as determined as ever to protect her, even from herself.

"Fine, but you two are going to have to accept that I'm all grown up now. No more frightening off my dates and treating me like I'm twelve."

Spike's face was a picture of fury as he looked at Xander, **"You let her date!"**

"No, absolutely not. Dawn we talked about this remember. You don't get to date until you're thirty, at least."

"God you two are so pathetic, you'd think I was still a virgin the way you carry on."

Dawn found herself dumped unceremoniously onto the floor; a second later Xander and Spike were looming over her.

"What the hell are you talking about Dawnie?"

"Who was it, I'll fucking eviscerate the bastard?"

They spoke simultaneously and Dawn just wished she'd kept her mouth shut. Then she remembered that she didn't have to answer to anyone and drawing up to her full height she glared at both of them. "For the last time, I'm not a child. The who doesn't really matter, it was a very sweet boy I met in Rome. I love you both, but this is my life and you two need to just **Butt Out.**" The last part was practically shrieked in their faces.

Xander knew this wasn't the time so he let it slide for now. "Ok Dawn, but we will be talking about this." He sat back down pulling her into his lap again. Spike moved back to his chair, but his mind was whirring, just why was it bothering him so much? He'd always loved Dawn, looked out for her, but when she'd spoken he'd felt almost….jealous.

Knowing that Angel was probably growing impatient with the by-play and not wanting the vampire to start asking questions again, Xander started to tell his story. "After we closed the Hellmouth I needed to get away for awhile. Seven years of fighting and I was just kinda sick of it. I needed some time and space; so when Giles asked me to go to Africa and start locating the Slayers there I jumped at the chance."

"Surprised the demon-bint let you do that, she's not the type to rough it and I never figured she'd let you walk away again." Spike wished he'd not spoken when he caught the waves of grief and loss coming from Xander.

"I forgot you didn't know. Anya didn't make it out. She died saving Andrew. And what a fucking waste that was." Xander's voice was thick with pain and he barely noticed the sympathetic looks he was getting from everyone in the room.

"I'm sorry pet, she didn't deserve that. She was something special."

"I know Spike, it's ok, been awhile you know? She would be glad you're back, you were one of the few people who she thought of as a friend; you accepted her, inappropriate conversation, gross stories and all. Anyway, I was grieving and much as I loved them I couldn't take being around the girls. They were all so happy it was over and I didn't begrudge them that, but it was hard to be part of it. Africa gave me a chance to grieve and to move on. I never expected to love it as much as I did, but it was like coming home. I felt like I belonged there.

I seemed to be as much of a Slayer magnet as I used to be a demon magnet back in the Dale, I seemed to find them without any real effort. It was easier then Europe and the US, a lot of the tribes held to the old beliefs, still believed in demons and quite a few remembered legends of Slayers. The hardest part was convincing them to go to England, it was such a huge step for most of them and their families weren't happy about it either. At first it went to plan, the girls would go to the academy and whilst they were there Giles would make sure they kept in close contact with their families, then they'd come back once they were trained, to protect their homes.

Some of them refused to go and I really didn't know what to do with them at first, I mean they had to learn about their gifts but I was in no position to force them and I never stayed in one place long enough to train them myself. Then one night I was out on patrol with a couple of Slayers who were just back from training and we ran into Riley. I still kinda had some trust issues, after everything the Initiative did, but after a few weeks I realised how different they were. When he suggested they help out, train the Slayers who didn't want to leave, I jumped at the chance. Giles had to do some fast talking to get the rest of the Council to agree but in the end it worked out. Once we had everything set up and I was sure it was going to work I set out again, 'cos there were still new girls to find. Riley wanted to send a squad with me, he really hated the idea of me wandering round the place alone, but I knew having a bunch of soldiers along would spook people so in the end it was just me and Graham." Xander turned to look at his lover and when everyone saw their hands move together and their fingers entwine they knew there was a whole story there they weren't being told.

_It had been tough at first, travelling with someone else. Xander had spent so much time alone he'd almost forgotten how to make idle conversation. He'd become a far different person to the babbling teenager from Sunnydale. Graham had made things easy for him though, the older man was quiet too, and after awhile Xander began to appreciate the company. They travelled from village to village picking up Slayers when they found them and sending them to Riley. They also took time to learn about local legends and customs, anything that might help them and their girls survive longer._

Later on they'd become so easy around each other that Xander had wandered how he'd done this alone, he became used to the other man's presence and realised how much he'd come to rely on him. As time went by that sense of comradeship deepened, first into friendship, then love. Xander could never pin-point when it happened, he just knew that one day he looked at Graham and knew he loved him. All his previous relationships had started with a mad rush of passion that he'd given into without thought. This was different, he'd fallen deeply in love and they hadn't so much as kissed.

After that Xander had become hyper-aware of Graham's every comment, every movement, he was desperate to know if his feelings were returned, but terrified of losing the strong relationship they'd built. When he was pretty sure Graham did return his feelings he knew he'd have to be the one to make the first move, 'cos Graham was obviously holding back. The older man had heard many of Riley's old Sunnydale stories and probably assumed that Xander was completely straight.

So one night when they were camped alone as they travelled to yet another village, Xander took his heart in his hands and decided to go for it. They were sat beside the fire, the flames providing a faint light, just enjoying the quiet of the night and the warmth the fire provided. Xander took a deep breath and turned to face Graham, catching the man's face lightly in his hand he'd leaned in and brushed their lips gently together. When Graham didn't respond he'd pulled back and started to apologise, but Graham had silenced him with a finger to his lips. This time it was Graham who held Xander's face, as he looked deep into his eye.

"Xander are you sure about this? I don't want you waking up with regrets, I don't want to lose what we have."

"I'm sure," Xander figured he may as well get everything out  
whilst he was at it, "I love you, I want this. I'm sure and I promise no regrets. I……" Xander continued to babble but was cut off abruptly when Graham crushed their mouths together. Whatever he'd been about to say was driven from his mind as the touch of Graham's lips and the taste of the man he'd come to love drove all rational thought from his mind.

He felt Graham rip his shirt from his body and then that wonderful mouth moved down his chest, nipping and biting and suckling on Xander's hardened nipples. Xander groaned and felt his head fall back as the passion coursed through him. He desperately pulled at Graham's clothing, but his fingers fumbled with the fastenings, he wanted to feel skin to skin and couldn't wait. Graham pulled back just long enough to strip the rest of their clothes away, chuckling as Xander whimpered at the momentary loss of contact. Coming back together he captured Xander's mouth again and drew their bodies hard against each other.

Nothing had ever felt this good to Xander, it was as if Graham could read his mind, know exactly where and how to touch him to make him wild. When Graham returned to Xander's nipples and began sucking and biting in earnest Xander felt himself getting ready to come before his cock had even been touched. Once Graham realised how close Xander was, he moved down the younger man's body, kissing every inch, then licking his way up and down Xander's cock. Light touches, enough to drive Xander crazy but not enough to grant him release. Looking up the writhing body of his lover, seeing that one eye darkened almost black with passion, he took pity and engulfed Xander's cock, sucking him deep into his throat, he started to hum, and then swallowed hard, ripping the orgasm from Xander's body.

For just a second Graham stopped, just sat and looked at the debauched picture in front of him. Xander was covered in sweat, still boneless from his release, breathless and dazed; but when he forced his eye open and saw Graham's lust-filled gaze he began to harden again. They kissed, allowing Xander to taste himself in Graham's mouth and before long both were lost in passion again. Graham pushed Xander flat on his back, and rested his body between Xander's legs, their cocks rubbing together; never breaking their kiss Graham fumbled in his trouser pocket for lube, silently thanking any deity that cared to listen that his hopes for Xander had led to him carrying some around. Squeezing some onto his hand he started to prepare his lover. First one finger, then two, scissoring and stretching Xander's loosening hole. Hearing a groan wrenched from Xander's lips he realised he'd found his prostate and when he flicked his fingers against it again Xander arched off the ground, knowing how close his lover was to cumming again Graham withdrew his fingers and then tugged Xander's balls sharply away from his body, causing the younger man to whimper.

"Graham please."

Graham pushed just the tip of his cock insode Xander, loving the way the younger man's body reacted, clenching around him, then he pulled Xander's legs up resting them on his shoulders and pushed the rest of the way inside, stopping when his balls met Xander's ass. Xander groaned, he'd never felt so stretched, so full, but he needed more, "Gray…..move,"

Graham just flexed his hips slightly brushing against Xander's prostate but not really stimulating it, loving the wanton groan that Xander made as his body twisted, desperately trying to find relief. Knowing he couldn't resist the pleas falling from his lover's lips Graham began to move then, hard and fast. Plunging his cock deep into Xander's body making Xander whimper and moan with every thrust. Leaning forward he captured Xander's lips again, his tongue mimicking his cock's movement, in and out, faster and faster, finally swallowing Xander's scream as they both found their release. Sticky and sated they lay together, Graham's softening cock still embedded in his lover sharing, lazy kisses until they drifted into exhausted sleep, still joined together.

"We were happy, I'd found my place, my purpose I suppose and I didn't want anything to change. We started to worry when we heard that some of the first Slayers I'd found, the ones I'd sent to England had stopped contacting their families; but when I spoke to London, they promised us that it was just that the girls were busy and out of reach for awhile. I trusted Giles and didn't push it. I should have, I should've insisted on speaking to him, but that would have meant sticking around a city for a while and having a proper contact number and we were enjoying our travels too much for that.

Later we got a call, apparently the Council had changed their minds; they no longer wanted to allow the girls to stay in Africa and were insisting they come to London. I refused, told them we had it under control and that I wanted to hear it from Giles, they basically told me that he was too busy to waste time talking to me, that I wasn't important enough. This time I knew something was wrong so I tried to get a hold of Willow or Buffy but I couldn't track either of them down. We were just thinking that we'd have to go to London ourselves, when we had a visitor.

One of the Slayers Riley had trained was in trouble, she'd heard rumours about a demon near her village and had gone after it herself, without knowing what it was or calling for back-up. She'd been missing for three days and her family were desperate. We were only a day's travel from where she'd last been seen so we decided to check it out. We called Riley, but they couldn't help out 'cos they were just getting ready to raid the slave auction. Besides, we didn't think we had time to wait.

The girl's name was Kareesha, when we reached her family they told us everything they remembered. Apparently there'd always been a lot of demon activity in the area, but most of the demons didn't seem to belong their, it was like they came for something specific, then either disappeared or left, they rarely bothered the humans living there but seemed to have some other purpose for their presence. Kareesha had been bothered by them and had thought she could find out what they were doing, she'd always been a little arrogant, always trying to prove she didn't need anyone, that she was able to handle it all by herself. We'd assigned her a Watcher, Matt, from Riley's squad but she refused to work with him, thought she could do it all herself.

She'd managed to track several of the demons to a large cave a few miles north of her village, they all went into the cave but only some came back out. She managed to catch one of the less dangerous demons, a Lyrchsis, and question it, it told her that there was a power in the cave, that it was going to get some talisman for it's people, that the power would give it to him." Xander stopped for a second and glanced at Spike, realising that the blond had already recognised the description of the cave and would have a fair idea where this story was going.

"That night Kareesha had gone out alone after everyone had fallen asleep, she left a note for her Watcher saying she needed to kill the demons, as soon as he found the note he went after her. Neither of them had been seen since. Her family were devastated but their village elders had refused to let them go to the cave. Apparently they'd always known the demon was there but because the visitors left them alone it had always been forbidden for any of their people to approach the cave.

We couldn't leave it like that though, so despite their advice we went looking for Kareesha, she was easy enough to track and we found the cave a few hours later. It was completely quiet and we couldn't detect any sign of Kareesha or Matt but we knew we needed to check inside. Even though by then I'd figured out where we were and what was likely to happen, I figured if we didn't ask for anything we'd be ok. We were attacked almost immediately one set of demons after another but we managed to fight our way through, we found Kareesha and Matt's bodies about halfway down the cave, but we didn't stop, it had started out as a rescue now I just wanted the damn thing dead.

When we killed the last demon we could sense something else approaching, we couldn't see it properly, just a pair of glowing eyes, it asked us what we wanted, but we kept our mouths shut, figuring it couldn't do anything that way. I just wanted to kill it and get the hell out, take Kareesha's body back to her family. As soon as I stepped towards it I collapsed, I could feel my whole body convulsing and I could see Gray going through the same thing."

Xander looked again at Spike who was squirming in his seat and looking increasingly worried, "You know Spike, when you told us about the whole 'going to get your soul thing,' you couldn't have mentioned that the damn thing could read minds. I mean I thought you had to wish for something, not that it could rip your hidden desires from your subconscious. Kinda an important detail to leave out don't you think?"

"Oops."

_tbc……._


	9. Chapter 8 How We Came To This Part Five

**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

**How We Came To This Part 5**

"Oops!" Xander's reply positively dripped with sarcasm.

"Well it's not like we were all friendly when I got back, what with you pretty much hating me and me being kinda crazy; and it's not as if I knew you were going to wind up there now is it?"

"Right Spike, just would have been nice to know that they would wind up giving you their idea of what you wanted, not what you asked for."

"So what did you wind up with anyway, what was running through that mind of yours, pet?"

"I wanted back what I'd lost, that's what it said it read from me, not even sure I knew what exactly, my eye, Anya, our old life maybe. What I wound up with was my possessions, all of them, still can't decide if it was a blessing or a curse. It took some work but I've got control of them this time around, it's just I'm not entirely sure I'm me anymore."

"I remember the soldier memories, helped me out with the Initiative's little tracker, but what else were you? Never heard or saw you be anything else."

"First was a Primal, a hyena spirit, happened right after we met Buffy, long before you and Dru showed up in the Dale. I always pretended to the girls I didn't remember it, I had no control at all, just ran on instinct, I was lucky Buffy got me locked up before I hurt anyone, the rest of my pack ate our principal. I almost hurt her though, the hyena wanted a mate, and I came pretty close to forcing her, and I don't think I'd have come back from that. You know about the soldier from Halloween senior year, but what most people didn't realise was that my costume was a genuine second hand uniform. Everyone thought I had some kind of generic soldiers training stuff in my head, but actually it was a specific soldier's memories. He was a special-forces black ops guy; which means I have a lot of skills I didn't exactly have to earn, but I get his bad stuff too. He was a POW for a time, and his unit wasn't exactly the type to play by the rule book; some of the stuff they did was closer to executions than warfare and I can remember how every kill looked, how it felt. I'm not sure the last one even qualifies as a possession, I mean it wasn't exactly me, but the demon must have decided it counted." Xander stopped and took a deep breath, this was the part he really didn't like, after everything he'd said about Angel and Spike over the years, now he wasn't that different from them.

"Can't stop there, what else are you?"

"Remember how we got Anya?"

"Didn't you cheat on the cheerleader with Red, got yourself caught?"

"Actually you got us caught, what with the kidnapping, head injuries and locking us up so you could make Willow get Dru back for you."

""Wasn't my fault you decided to lock lips with Red, you'd have got caught sooner or later, way you all lived in each other's pockets, no way to keep anything a secret for long."

"Maybe, ancient history anyway, when Cordy found out she was……shall we say less than pleased. Anya showed up and got her to make a wish, Cordy never realised Anya was a demon so she didn't think it would do any harm. She actually thought it out and decided that the only reason she'd lowered herself to date a loser like me was because I'd saved her life a couple of times. She thought that seeing as the life saving was usually demon related, it must have started because I was Buffy's friend, so she wished that Buffy had never come to Sunnydale. She wound up in this kinda alternative universe, where Buffy went somewhere else after she was called; only problem was that a Sunnydale without a Slayer was a pretty awful place. The Master was never stopped and he pretty much ruled the town, no one could go out after dark and all the people she should have saved were gone. Including me and Willow, we were turned right away, Darla gave us to the Master and he decided to keep us."

"You were childer not minions." Angel's softly spoken words weren't really a question, he remembered the Willow from that world all to well. "You're not a vampire, I can hear your heart beating and you still smell alive."

"Not an actual vampire but I've got the strength and senses," and this was the bit that he truly hated, "And the blood lust."

"You need to feed?"

"Not exactly like you Deadboy, I only need a small amount of blood, from Graham, if I can't feed from him then I'd need a lot of blood from another source, they tied him to me, made it so his blood is essential for me to survive."

"Do you have the demon?"

"No, seems like I got the body upgrade without that, thank god, because the hyena and the soldier added to the vamp stuff means I'm pretty unstoppable, don't care to think how bad it would be if I had a demon in control."

"What about you," Angel turned to Graham, "How do you feel about being made to be Xander's food source?"

"It isn't like that, it was my fault anyway; he's forced to stay with me to survive, not the other way round."

"Dammit Gray. You know that isn't true, this is not your fault and I stay because I love you not because of anything the demon did. With all the mojo users we know, don't you think that if I wanted to I could find a way around this?"

"Maybe, maybe not, but this came from what the demon read from me, from my insecurities," realising that he'd already started to explain his own changes Graham decided he might as well tell them the rest. "All I ever wanted was to be a marine, serve my country, it's what my family does, five generations, my dad died in service. When I got in everything was fine, the life I always wanted, then when I got recruited for the Initiative……it was like this huge deal. They said they were only looking for the very best, they didn't tell us much at first and what they did say was so fucking unbelievable. We went along with it all, I mean the brass aren't exactly known for playing practical jokes. They never once used the words demons or magic. They told us about previously undiscovered breeds of animals that were threatening the human race. They said animals, we just assumed they knew what they were talking about, they gave them fancy names and numbers, told us they might appear to be human or exhibit and mimic human behaviour, but that they were just imitating stuff they'd seen. They swore that the things we were fighting weren't sentient. Then we were sent to Sunnydale.

It was strange right from the start, all the undercover crap, pretending to be students, hiding who we were; but they always had a bunch of plausible answers about avoiding public panic and national security." Graham swallowed hard, concentrating on Xander's face as he continued, unable to look at Spike. "Then it got worse, the docs in charge started in on the experiments, and while they said it would be better for the creatures in the long term, 'cos we'd be able to stop them from hurting humans without killing them; the type of things they were testing didn't seem right. Then Professor Walsh started asking for specific creatures, demanding they be brought in intact even if it cost us lives. I suppose we all knew it was getting out of hand but we'd no idea how far and the drugs they'd been pumping into us didn't exactly help provide clarity of mind.

When it all fell apart, with Buffy, the professor and then Adam, we realised how bad we'd been. Hell we expected to wind up getting court-martialed and kicked out, but in the end the government couldn't afford that, I mean it would all have come out; from the existence of demons, to the army kidnapping and torturing sentient beings and the little fact that they'd almost destroyed the world and had to be saved by a teenager and her friends. They couldn't kick us out but they didn't exactly know what to do with us either. It took months for us all to get back to normal, getting the drugs out of our systems and the surgery most of us needed to fix the damage to our bodies from Walsh's experiments. All the time I just couldn't stop thinking that this wasn't what I'd signed up for; I was a soldier that meant I was supposed to help people to save them.

Even when we wound up in Africa I couldn't seem to settle, we'd track down some demon or other, but as glad as I was to save whoever was in trouble I couldn't stop thinking about how we just didn't know what we were doing. What gave us the right to judge? I think if Xander hadn't come along I'd have probably walked away, I just couldn't live with myself. It was easier after that, recruiting the Slayers, helping them, I didn't have to make moral judgements anymore, and with the books and stuff from the Watchers Council we weren't operating blind, we knew who and what we were fighting. I thought I was past the guilt, but in the cave when the demon read me I found out I wasn't. It said that it saw I wanted to not be a killer, that I wanted to help people, and so it made me a healer. I can cure almost anything, damage to the mind or body, though it can take a lot out of me, but there's a price…..I can't kill, can't take any life under any circumstances. If a demon walked through the door now and was about to destroy the world and I was the only one with a weapon, we'd be totally screwed 'cos I just physically wouldn't be able to do a thing.

It also said I wanted to be needed, that I didn't think Xander could love me, that anybody could love me 'cos I didn't think I deserved that, so that's why it made Xander need my blood, I was so fucking desperate to have him stay, now he has no choice." Graham pushed up from the couch and headed for the stairs.

"Gray, don't you fucking do this again, stop beating yourself up. Gray…." Xander eased Dawn from his lap and stood up. "Look I know you guys have a thousand and one questions but you'll have to make do with the others for awhile, I need to go check on him." With that he headed after his lover, only to stop when Angel grabbed his arm. "Like I said, you'll have to wait for me Deadboy."

"I've only got one question. What's Buffy's address in Rome?"

"And you need Buffy's address, why exactly?"

"So I know where to go when I get off the plane."

"Ok. Again with the why?"

"Isn't it obvious, we need to get to Rome as soon as possible so we can save Buffy."

"Ok, you want to go to Rome and save Buffy?"

"Of course, that's why you wanted us here, right? So we could help you save Buffy."

"Faith, remember how I promised I was going to be all calm and reasonable and not let Deadboy here piss me off?"

"I remember X."

"I lied," turning as he spoke Xander punched Angel in the jaw, the force of the blow sending the vampire right across the room and causing the wall to splinter and crack when his flying body struck it.

Winded and dazed, Angel struggled to his feet, "What the fuck do you think you're…." Before he could finish the question Xander had crossed the room and grabbed him up by the collar.

"Now I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt here Deadboy, 'cos I really don't want to think you've gone all evil on us again. So just for the imbecilic vampire who appears to have not listened to a single fucking word any one's said, I'll lay it out for you again. Buffy got involved with the Immortal, Buffy willingly embraced a dark ritual to get power, Buffy willingly gave up her soul; which means, in case you've forgotten, that the thing currently running round Rome in Buffy's body is no longer the girl we knew. 'Cos the last time I checked, the Buffy I knew wouldn't have been capable of murdering her best friend and trying to kill her baby sister, not to mention working to bring about a fucking apocalypse. So no I didn't bring you here to help save Buffy, she's beyond anyone's help; it's the rest of the human race that's in trouble."

"Just because something's happened to her doesn't mean she can't be saved. I love her, I can reach her; I know I can. You're just a kid; you've no idea what happened, you've no right to just give up on her. After everything she's done for you how can you just abandon her? I never figured you for a coward." Angel suddenly began to convulse with pain, glancing round as he fell to the floor, he saw Dawn advancing towards him, her eyes again green with power, hand extended towards him, a look of pure fury distorting her face. Everyone, except Spike, from the AI crew tried to get to him but found themselves held back by a mystical barrier.

"How dare you talk to him that way? He saved us, all of us, more times than I can even count. If there were a way, however dangerous, however much of a long shot he would take it. My sister is gone, I had to look into her eyes and see a monster looking back, see someone who wanted me dead. As for you reaching her, my god you didn't even know her. You hadn't seen her for more than ten minutes at a time in over five years. You weren't there when mom got sick and died and Buffy had to be strong all the time so she could look after me. You weren't there when she fought a God to keep me safe, when she died to save me. You go on about how much you loved her, but it was such a fucking selfish love, when she was dead the rest of us might as well not have existed. Buffy died to let me live, to protect me, her life's work was protecting the people of the Hellmouth; but I don't remember you showing up to make sure she didn't die in vain. You never came to check on the people she loved to make sure they were ok, you ran off to some fucking monastery to feel sorry for yourself, as far as you knew the Hellmouth was unprotected, but we could all have died and you'd never have even noticed.

The vampire with the soul, what a fucking joke, it's all about you, your suffering, your redemption, your love, there's nothing selfless about you at all. Do you want to know who taught me about true love? Spike, He didn't have a soul then, he was a demon but he was always a better man than you. He loved Buffy, back then he never thought he'd get a chance with her, never even thought she'd touch him, but he loved her anyway. He let Glory torture him, hurt him in ways that would even give Angelus nightmares and never gave her what she wanted, because he knew that's what Buffy needed him to do. When she died, he stayed; he tried to do what she would have done. He protected the Hellmouth, killed demons; saved us all over and over again. More than that he looked after me, I was her sister and because he loved her he also loved me. He held me when I cried, told me crappy bedtime stories and frightened off any boy that even looked at me. He tried to do what Buffy would have, to give me the life she wanted me to have. His love didn't die with her, it meant more than that. To really love somebody you have to care about what's important to them, you never did understand that, all you ever wanted was to be with her on your terms.

You have no right to come in here and judge us, to try and decide for us. We don't need you and we sure as Hell aren't about to let you get us all killed by running off to Rome and warning that thing about what's going on. We're talking about the end of everything here Angel, which you'd have found out if you'd just listened a little longer. Now you need to pick a side, you fight with us or against us. There's no middle ground this time." With that Dawn shut down her power and walked away, leaving Angel writhing in agony on the floor and Spike staring after her, a look of pride and disbelief on his face.

"Faith, you better get him some blood, don't want him dying on us yet. I need to get Dawn calmed down and find Gray. When he's up to listening come get me, Amy you can let them go now, they can help him if they want. Deadboy Dawn was right about everything she said, so when I get back we are going to finish this and you'd damn well better listen with your brains not your dick this time; because if I think for one second you're going to betray us I'll dust you and I promise you I won't regret it for a single second."

_tbc….._  



	10. Chapter 9 Strength Of Heart

  
Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

**Strength Of Heart**

Xander headed for the stairs, not sure who he should talk to first, Graham or Dawn. He was surprised when Spike joined him but readily accepted the vampire's offer to talk to Dawn. Seeing the older man tentatively approach Dawn's room and slip inside, Xander wandered if Spike had any idea what he was letting himself in for. Despite their best efforts, Dawn had indeed grown up and, unlike her childhood crush on Xander, her feelings for the vampire had only intensified with time. Approaching his own room, he tried to figure out a way to convince Graham that he was wrong. They'd fought about it so many times, and his lover was adamant that he was right about Xander's feelings changing. No matter how often Xander told the other man, that he loved him and would've stayed anyway; Graham refused to be convinced. When Xander opened the door, Graham was sitting on the bed holding his head in his hands.

"Gray?"

On hearing his lover's voice, Graham pushed up, off the bed and began pacing the room. His whole body screamed, 'don't touch me,' and his eyes were full of pain. Xander had about run out of ideas and just stood there, hoping Graham would tell him why he was so insecure about their relationship. Stopping at the far side of the room, Graham leaned against the wall and finally looked at Xander. "I didn't mean to do that in front of them. Shouldn't have embarrassed you like that."

"I don't give a damn about that Gray. Trust me, they've almost all seen me in way more embarrassing situations than that. What I want to know is why?** I love you Gray.** I wanted you, needed you and loved you for a long time before we set foot in that damn cave. Why don't you trust me any more? I've never done anything to make you think I don't want you."

"You don't let go." Graham's voice was barely audible and his eyes were bright with unshed tears.

"Huh?"

"When we make love…..you used to give it everything. I loved to watch you, your eyes would glaze over and you wouldn't be able to talk. You were completely lost in us, in me. I knew that just touching you could drive you completely mindless; when we were together, nothing else mattered, world war three could've broken out right beside us and we'd never have noticed. You aren't like that anymore, I don't do that for you anymore."

Xander's voice shook as he replied, "There's something wrong with our sex life? Hell Gray, if I'm not doing something, you should have told me. I thought we were happy, that we were good together." He knew how desperate he sounded, bit he'd never imagined his lover wasn't satisfied.

**"We are,"** Graham crossed the room, reached up and laid his palm against Xander's cheek. "Never think I don't love what we do. But I was starting to think that you don't. Since the cave……..you've always kept something back; it's like you're always thinking, holding on to something. I'm always the one on top; you haven't taken me once since that night. I guess I just don't make you mindless anymore. I know you say you don't resent me for getting us stuck together; but maybe, subconsciously at least, you do. That's why you're behaving so differently."

**"Oh shit!"** This time it was Xander who sank to the bed and lowered his head. "Do you know what I did before I came up here to talk to you? Angel tried to stop me coming up here, so I punched him."

"I thought you promised Faith you weren't going to do that."

"Yeah well, me and my temper. Anyway Dawn did a hell of a lot more damage then I did."

"What!"

"Long story, tell you later. Gray, I hit Angel and he flew clear across the room and cracked the wall when he landed." Seeing, from the questioning expression on his face, that Graham wasn't understanding the relevance of this story. "We both changed in that cave Gray. My new abilities mean I'm stronger."

"I know that." Irritation was beginning to replace the desperate sadness in Graham's voice.

"Gray…..if I let go, if I let myself lose control, I could hurt you."

"You'd never do that."

"Not deliberately, but if I let myself go, if I don't hold back a part of myself, I could hurt you badly; without ever meaning to. I'm still getting used to what I can do now, if I'd hit a human as hard as I hit Angel they'd either be dead or eating hospital food for the foreseeable future. I didn't stop to think, I just reacted, I can't afford to keep doing that, especially around you."

"That's why?"

"Yes, I love you Gray, that's never gonna change; which is why I'm not gonna risk you being hurt. I have to be careful with you, I won't be responsible for you winding up getting hurt, just because I can't keep a lid on my emotions."

"Isn't that my choice?"

No. Not this time, you're human Gray. That means breakable, I'm not putting you in danger that way."

"So you'd rather hold back. That isn't you, you're one of the most passionate men I've ever met. Maybe you'd be better off with someone who isn't human, isn't breakable. That way you wouldn't have to keep denying yourself." This time Graham's voice was laced with bitterness.

"Listen to me you stubborn son of a bitch. I'm not denying myself anything. I'm looking out for the man I love. That'd be you, in case you've forgotten. I don't want anyone else. I'd rather sleep alone then lose you. Maybe, in time, things will settle down. I'm still figuring my strengths out, after awhile it should become instinct; I'll be able to judge what I'm doing better. Please Gray, is it really so bad? Can't you give me some time?"

"I need to know I have all of you. That you're not settling or staying out of obligation."

"You do and I'm not. I promise."

It was going to take a lot of reassurance and love; but as Graham's eyes softened and his body began to lose its rigid tension, Xander began to hope that maybe things between them would be ok after all. At least Graham had finally told him what was wrong, now he just had to figure out how to fix it. Starting with a kiss. They melted into each other, lips and teeth softly nibbling and biting, tongues moving in lazy exploration. It wasn't a passionate kiss; rather it was a gentle re-affirming of their love.

"Much as I'd like to drag you to bed right now, I suppose we'd better get back downstairs and finish up the explanations."

"Can't I just stay up here?"

"Not a chance in hell. If I have to go back, so do you."

"Did you really hit Angel?"

"Yep, fucking idiot wanted to run off and rescue Buffy."

**"What?"**

"Yeah, seems he didn't actually bother to listen beyond the whole 'Buffy in trouble' thing. Our little Dawnie sorted him though."

"You really ought to stop encouraging her, she's becoming a holy terror. Half our people won't go anywhere near her anymore."

"Oh come on it was fun. She ripped him into little itty-bitty pieces. As for the others, well I'd rather have a live short tempered Dawn, then have to ID another body 'cos she got worried about using her powers."

"Is she ok?"

"Yeah I think so. She's holed up in her room."

"You want to go check on her before we go down?"

"You just want to put it off. Besides there's no need, Spike's already on it."

"Spike? You did warn him about her, right?"

"No. Spike's a big bad vampire, he should be able to handle one young woman."

"You're evil."

"Not yet, but I'm working on it."

Pulling Graham into a quick hard kiss, he whispered in his ear, "Stop worrying about everyone else's love life. The sooner we get done with this, the sooner we can get back to what we were starting in the bedroom." Leading his lover by the hand, Xander headed for the lobby. As they passed Dawn's room, they could hear raised voices; that were abruptly cut off when Dawn stormed out of the room. She stomped back downstairs, muttering all the way about 'pigheaded stubborn idiots who didn't know a good thing when it was offered.' A few seconds later, Spike appeared in the doorway; the look on his face, something between shell-shock and sheer panic.

Xander smirked at him and asked, "Have fun catching up?"

Spike's eyes were wild and his reply was less than coherent, "She……crazy……don't believe….what happened…….Oh bugger!"

"Babble nearly worthy of me Spike, but we better get back downstairs before your sire loses it and starts planning something stupid again."

"Right, fine, just keep the bit away from me. She's gone fucking crazy, must be something to do with Red and the mojo. She only reckons she's in love with me, had to practically fight her off. She's not behaving like my Dawn."

"She's loved you for a long time Spike."

"She's a kid, it was just a crush, not real. She's my niblet for fucks sake."

"We might not like it, but as she said before, she's all grown up. She knows what she wants Spike, and this isn't just a crush, not for her."

"What's up with you? You're beginning to sound like you're encouraging the bloody idea. You were as pissed as I was when she talked about that wanker she shagged in Rome."

"Some stranger, who doesn't really know her, with his hands all over my Dawnie. Damn right I was mad."

**"And I'm a better choice?** Seems I remember you didn't think that when I was with Buffy back in the Dale. You hated it. You hate me, you never, ever trusted me."

"Yeah, and the you and Buffy thing worked out so well for everyone involved. I treated you like crap, and you were a total bastard. Don't know about you, but I'm not the same man I was then. Had to grow up some the last couple of years. It was always black and white for me back then, took me some time away to finally get that in the real world you got to deal in shades of grey."

"What, so we going to be best pals now?"

"Probably not, seeing as we can still annoy the hell out of each other in about thirty seconds flat. Thing is; whatever else was going on back then, no matter how crappy we all treated you, or what schemes you were plotting; you always looked after Dawn. I know that you'd never do anything to deliberately hurt her. She's always going to be a target because of her powers, and she needs to be with someone who can help her protect herself. Someone who won't get freaked out because she's different or wind up feeling resentful because they'll never be as powerful as she is. There aren't many people around who qualify, fewer still that I'd trust with her heart."

"You'd trust me with her?"

"Yes, 'cos you know that if you ever did hurt her; the things I'd put you through, would make what Glory and the First did to you look like a walk in the park."

"Threats sound more like the Xander Harris I remember."

"You don't know me anymore Spike. She needs you, needs to be loved. What happened in Rome almost broke her. I've seen you in love, with and without the soul. If I thought for one second I'd have to make good on those threats, you'd never get within a mile of Dawn."

"I can't do this. I'll screw it up, I always screw it up."

**"So don't.** Dawn isn't Dru or Buffy; she doesn't need you to be her keeper and you're not some sort of consolation prize. She has no illusions about you; what you are, the things you've done, what you're capable of. She loves you anyway and that isn't going to change. Trust me, I spent enough time trying to talk her out of it. Are you really willing to let this chance get away? Let her get away? If you don't want her, sooner or later she'll wind up settling for someone who does. Could you really sit back and watch her with another man? Knowing that if you weren't so afraid, she could have been yours. Do you really want her to have to settle for that? To sit back and watch whilst she gives up on her love, her dreams? Now that doesn't sound like the Spike I remember."

Spike was left looking slightly stunned by Xander's words but, as he followed the lovers back to the lobby, his expression turned thoughtful. When they reached the others, instead of taking his previous place, next to Angel, Spike squeezed onto the couch beside Dawn. Ignoring her angry glare, he slipped an arm around her waist, and when her face softened, and she rested her head on his shoulder, a small smile appeared on Spike's lips.

_tbc…………._


	11. Chapter 10 The Prophecy

Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/oc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

**The Prophecy.**

_**In a time of peace, a thrice born warrior of light shall willingly embrace the dark and join with the darkest of warriors to bring forth the end time. An army shall rise or fall with its heart and from the shadows the White Knight will rise. He shall know pain and loss and be forever after changed in body and soul. He will accommodate the three and become them. He shall first be recognised and named by his enemy, though will later fight at his side against the dark. He shall bring the chosen back from the beyond and face death at a chosen's hands. He shall sacrifice half his light that he may better see the dark. Touched by the essence of the warrior, he shall be its chosen, its heart. When the chosen line splits apart he will be there, first once then many times. He will be their guide, their hope and in him they will find their inspiration. If the knight falls, so shall the light, he alone can turn back the dark. He will gather allies, enemies and friends, and from them find the strength to fight again. An army of warriors will go forth but in the end it will be, heart to heart, a battle only he can win.**_

Angel hauled himself up from the floor, shaking his head to try and make sense of what had just happened. "Xander hit me and then Dawn…..?"

Wesley bent down and helped Angel move towards the couch, "What precisely did you expect Angel. You and Mr Harris never exactly got along and your reaction showed you pretty much hadn't bothered to listen to them. It isn't as though you weren't warned about his abilities, he was quite forthright about his new strength."

"I know, just gonna take some getting used to, the idea that Xander Harris could take me down, even with a sucker punch."

"Fang, X barely touched you, I've watched him spar with a half dozen slayers and he doesn't lose. Piss him off like that again and ain't nobody here gonna be able to stop him putting you into the ground." Faith rejoined them on the couch, handing Angel a mug of warm blood.

"I thought we were friends Faith."

"We are, which would be why I told X that he was wrong to figure that you wouldn't care about what was happening to us."

"I do care Faith, you know that."

"But you care about her more, enough to sacrifice all of us just for a shot at her."

"I won't do that."

"Wasn't what you said a minute ago."

"I know; it wasn't that I didn't listen, I just didn't want to believe. Kept telling myself you all must have missed something; that I'd be able to do, or see, something you couldn't. Giving up hope was a little much for me to accept."

"We didn't do it lightly Angel, nobody here wanted this to be happening any more than you do. But I gotta tell you, whatever you're feeling ain't nothing compared to what X and Dawn have been going through."

"Was she right? I never thought to do any of the things she said Spike did. Was the way I felt about Buffy that selfish?"

"She's hurting Angel, and right know Xander's the one keeping her going, hell he's keeping us all going. She wouldn't have gone after you so hard if you hadn't called him a coward. You know better than that anyway. When did he ever run away from a fight?"

"Never; stood right in Angelus' path once, a scared kid going toe to toe with the Scourge of Europe and he was the one that didn't back down. You never answered my question though."

"Angel, what you and Buffy had was this whole fucking Romeo and Juliet doomed love thing. You never had a day to day relationship, never had to try and make it work in the long term. It wasn't a lesser kind of love, just different."

"Nice save, but she was right. I should have made sure that Dawn was ok after Buffy died, instead I took off for a monastery and a double dose of brooding. I really didn't know anything about her life that wasn't slaying or about us."

"Angel, when you came here, the Powers made you move on; you were the champion of LA, you couldn't keep running back to Sunnydale. You left because you thought it would be better for Buffy, you aren't responsible for what happened to her."

"I know I couldn't have saved her Wes, but I should have done something to look out for the people she loved. At least made sure that her sister was safe."

"Can't change what's done Fang, you just gotta help us make it right. So why don't you drink that blood, that way you'll be up to hearing the last of this."

Angel took a long swallow and a look of shock appeared on his face, "This is human."

"Yeah, everyone here donated, X figured if we started ordering supplies it would show up on the Immortal's radar and right now he thinks we're all still in Cleveland and we'd kinda like to keep it that way. We're saving the good stuff, from X and the Slayers, for the big fight or if one of you gets really hurt."

"Never thought I'd see Xander Harris buying blood or donating it."

"Angel, you haven't seen Xander in years, you don't know the first thing about him. You've got to stop thinking of the boy you used to know; maybe it would help if you treated him like someone you just met or something. This is his gig. We're all here to back him up, and every one of us will follow wherever he leads. You can't deal with that maybe we should have Amy mojo your memory and you can forget you were ever here."

"That sounds like a plan." Everyone stared at Dawn as she stormed back into the room.

"Dawn….I….I should apologise. What you said…."

"Save it Angel. I'm not interested in some belated concern. Decide if you're going to help us or not, but stay away from me either way."

"I was under the impression you needed our help."

"We do Wes, but actually it was Xan's idea; and really you're the one we need, got a whole bunch of things that could use a Watcher's touch; Prophecies and Portents and stuff."

"What about the rest of us?"

"Gunn, right? Look we're not going to say no to any extra help we can get, but we'll get by without it if we have to. Spike always has a home with us so we want him to stay, but Wes is the only one we really need."

"Looks like I could have stayed upstairs and let General Dawn run the show."

"Sorry Xan."

"Never mind sweetie, you didn't say anything I wouldn't have. I'm guessing we're all running on our last nerves so why don't we finish this up. We would like you all to help, but it kinda has to be your choice. We'd just like you to stay here tonight, after we're done and decide when you've had time to think. If you want to walk away we won't stop you, but we will have to take your memories of everything you've learnt here. Before you start, I know it's a violation of your minds, but we just can't risk you carrying that information back to your office.

When Willow reversed the flow of power between me and the Immortal, I got a good look inside his head. Not something I ever want to do again. Even with the First, I never felt anything that evil. He's definitely one of the Senior Partners, which is why nothing you find out here can be carried back to Wolfram and Hart. I still can't tell exactly what he is but I'm kinda hoping Wes'll be able to help out with that. I know he's taken to calling himself Canus Cuore, which is some kind of bastardised translation of 'heart of the wolf'; and that fits in with the heart to heart part of the prophecy. Though I've no idea how I'm supposed to stop him, one on one, even with the upgrades, I'm no match for him.

Graham said it was terrifying watching it happen, when the drain first started I sort of rose up in the air and started to scream. I don't exactly remember it aside from the pain, but Gray said that he felt my heart slowing and that it stopped for a second just before Willow reversed the flow. I saw everything that had happened, saw Andrew get sucked in so easily. He hadn't really repented for Jonathon's murder at all, he'd just told us what we wanted to hear. He still wanted power any way he could get it. He never even hesitated when Cuore told him to kill Giles; in fact he revelled in it. They knew that Giles had been studying the White Knight Prophecy and that it was possible he'd found something out that could stop them.

Watching the way he played Buffy was worse. All those times she'd complained about being the Slayer, wished she had a normal life. I thought she'd have been happy to hand over the duties, but instead she was jealous and resentful. It was as though she felt they'd stolen something from her. She didn't wake up one day and say 'i'm going to be evil now,' it was this slow progression; one bad decision leading to another, until he talked her into something she couldn't come back from. The ritual he used to give her more power was dark magic at its worst. He literally imbued her with the spirit of one of the other Senior Partners. Made a link between the demon's heart and hers, it corrupted her a little more each day. Every act of evil she committed led to another piece of her soul being swapped with the demon's spirit until, in the end there was nothing but the demon left.

Then I saw what they were doing right then, if they could make him the White Knight, they'd be able to use dark magic to force all the Slayers to obey him. They then meant to harness Dawn's powers and rip open the boundaries between this world and the demonic dimension they came from. With the Slayers under their control, there'd be nobody left to fight the demons when they came and the human race would be pretty much obliterated. They knew that performing the spell was too dangerous for them, that Willow was the only living being capable of channelling that much power and that was why they'd set her up. What happened with Alena was true, but all the files Andrew had about rogue Slayers were complete fabrications, just designed to make Willow feel so guilty, she wouldn't think too closely about what she was being asked to do.

I still kinda hoped Buffy could be saved then, despite what I'd seen I thought maybe part of her was still in there. Then I saw what they had planned for Dawn; they could've used her power the way she does now, letting her keep her human form, but that would only have kept the portal open for a few weeks. The spell they had Andrew perform would've turned her back into the key and locked her part way between the dimensions. It would've been an eternal torture for her. That's when I finally accepted Buffy was gone; she'd never have allowed Dawn to be hurt.

When Buffy realised what Willow was doing and started to attack her, I felt every blow, saw the complete darkness in Buffy's eyes when she took Willow's life. I was screaming in my head for Willow to save herself, even though I knew she wouldn't. The last thing I felt through the link was Willow telling me that she was sending everyone to Faith and that I should get there as soon as possible, she told me how much she loved us and that she'd be looking over us and then she was just gone.

When the power shut off, I knew something was very different but it took us awhile to figure it out. I can feel the Slayers, where they are, what they're feeling and it's like I'm bound to them. I can't exactly explain it, but it's like the part of them that's slayer calls to me. They feel something similar in reverse, they're drawn to me, to my fight. It hasn't turned them all into mindless slaves, I mean I can still barely get any of them to actually do what they're told half the time. It's just like their loyalty is bound to me, I'm kinda their moral compass, they'll fight on whichever side I'm on, but they'll fight in their own way as usual.

That's only the Slayers that are still free though. All the ones Buffy and Cuore found first are bound to them. They've all got this mark on their arms, it's a symbol none of us recognise, but Willow said it stank of magic. His Slayers are like slaves, I've looked right in the eyes of girls I found and trained; and it's like they don't recognise me, they have absolutely no will of their own. We're hoping it's just the magic and conditioning, and that maybe Wes can help us find way to get them back.

I got a load of other stuff from Cuore's mind but I don't understand it at all. I took me about three days to write it all out but I can't even identify the language I was writing in. Without Willow and Dawn, they're having to rethink they're plans a bit. They can still open the portals, there's some artefact that was stolen from the Watchers over two hundred years ago; and if they find it they can use it to call Dawn to them and control her powers by force. We have to find it first, from what we can tell that's what Giles was researching before he died. He said he sent it to someone here in LA and that Wes would know where to start looking.

We don't even know what the damn thing looks like, but they do; and from what our people in Rome tell us they know where to start looking too. The ceremony is supposed to be performed on the solstice and that's four weeks tomorrow. We have to figure this out fast. Right now Amy's our best defence, with Willow's power added to her own she can completely mask our presence here in the hotel, but as soon as we go out and start looking for this thing, they'll be on us. Like I said before we could use all the help we can get, so please just stay and think about it tonight; though Wes, if you'd like to get started on the translation stuff we wouldn't say no."

"I'd like a look at the papers, though I've no idea where Giles could have sent his research."

"Must've been something he figured you could work out, that's why he mentioned you. Got to be some kind of Watcher contact."

"Maybe, but right now I've no idea."

"It'll come to you. Don't worry….." Xander's voice broke off when an alarm began to sound throughout the hotel. The AI crew looked worried so Xander hurried to reassure them, "It's not an attack, just means something demonic got within fifty feet of the hotel. Amy?"

The young Wicca muttered the words of a simple spell and transformed the mirror above the desk into a viewer so that they could see what had triggered the alarms. In this case a large green demon with horns and red eyes, who was wearing a bright blue suit.

The Slayers started grabbing weapons and heading for the door. "Wait, he works with us."

"You've got a demon on your team now Angel, really hard to tell what side you're on."

"Look Kennedy he's not evil. He's not even a demon exactly, he comes from a different dimension, he's one of the sweetest people you're ever likely to meet."

"Well if he's not evil and not a fighter, what's he doing here?"

"I asked him, look I'm not saying I don't believe you, but I need to know if this is on the level before I agree to help you. He'll be able to read you, tell if you're being honest about this."

"Our word not good enough for you?"

"Kennedy that's enough. Amy, open the wards and let him in. Lorne isn't any danger to us and with a bit of luck he'll be able to use that power of his to point us in the right direction, so we get to Giles' research first. He still sets people on their paths, right?"

"Yes he does." Angel headed for the door to greet his friend. "Lorne glad you could make it."

"Angelcakes. You said it was important. Brrrrr the atmosphere in here's kinda freezing. Way too much pain and anger."

"It's been a tough evening, look I'd appreciate it if you could read a couple of people before we tell you what's going on, then we could get a completely unbiased picture of what you see."

"Sure, so who's going to be titillating my eardrums today?"

"This is Dawn, Kennedy, Faith and Xander. If it's ok with them we could get this done now."

As Lorne glanced round he could see Dawn glare at Angel before nodding, Kennedy looked even more furious but, after a few whispered words from Faith, agreed and Faith herself looked as though she found the whole thing amusing. Looking at the last person Angel had indicated, Lorne gasped, "Alex! My God sweetie. What happened to your beautiful eye?"

_tbc…………_


	12. Chapter 11 Rhapsodies And Revelations

**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/omc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

Not much plot this time, just getting the singing out of the way. _Song lyrics are in italics and credits at the end of the chapter_

**Rhapsodies And Revelations**

Lorne enveloped Xander in a warm hug, letting one hand trail up to the eye patch that was so shocking to see on his young friend. "Alex?"

"Long story Lorne. It was right before good old Sunnyhell went the way of the dinosaurs. Big bad, who thought I saw too much. Ancient history now."

"Shouldn't have happened like that. Was supposed to protect you all."

"Not your fault Spike, hell you got to me before Caleb finished the job. If you hadn't I'd be blind."

"Bleach is right, you shouldn't have been the one to get hurt like that. It wasn't your job."

"Faith, as I remember it, Caleb tossed you, Buffy and Spike around like toys. None of us could've figured he'd be that strong. I chose to be there, it's always been my decision to fight. I didn't have to chuck myself in Caleb's path the way I did. This was never anyone's fault but his."

Kennedy moved back to Xander's side and spoke softly, "You saved me, got hurt saving me. I'd be dead if you hadn't."

"And that's why I don't regret a thing. Wouldn't change it even if I could."

"That's my Alex, always the hero. Hope this psycho isn't still walking around."

"No chance. Buffy made with the slice and dice, and voila; no more evil preacher."

"Preacher? I saw him. When I came to bring Buffy the amulet, she was fighting him. Wouldn't let me help her at all. She said it was personal. That she had to do it."

"B didn't exactly take it well, seeing X hurt; and Caleb killed some of the potentials, no way she'd have let anyone else take him out. So X, tell me how do you and the big green here know each other anyways?"

"I was working at a club here in LA, the summer after graduation. Lorne used to come in sometimes and I spent a few nights at Caritas."

"Alex was always quite the draw, I used to almost take double at the bar when he performed."

"Never knew you could sing X."

"He's got a pretty good voice, though that wasn't his main appeal."

"Nice to see you can still blush that bad X. What **exactly** were you doing back then?"

"He was one of Dorien's star turns. Had himself quite the fan club."

**"Madam Dorien?" **Wesley practically shrieked, "You worked for her? How in the world did you come to that? Surely you could have found something safer"

"If you were in trouble Xander, you could have come to us, I know you saw Cordelia whilst you were in LA. We could have helped you."

"Deadboy what the **hell** are you talking about?"

"You, working in the world's most notorious demon brothel."

"Nice to know you still think the worst of everyone. I wasn't selling my body Angel, at least not that way. Dorien owns a couple of the best clubs in town. I was a stripper, strictly no touching."

"Wait a sec X. You stripped? On a stage where everyone could see you? Care to share this talent of yours?"

"I was younger and prettier then Faith, but if that's just a request to see me naked?"

"Graham'd kill us both."

"I don't care, I want to see."

**"Dawn"** Spike, Xander, Faith, Kennedy and Angel all yelled simultaneously.

"What, I can't be the only one thinking it. He was my first crush and I want to see the naked, dancing Xander. Was he hot."

"He sizzled pumpkin, pure natural sexiness. When he took off back home, he left broken hearts all over town."

"Right, as much as I'm enjoying you all taking this little visit to my past, maybe we should let Lorne read us first. Then those that want to can call it a night, whilst we play old home week."

"Good for me, so who's going to entertain us first? Do you want me to tell everyone everything I see?"

"Why don't you keep the personal stuff for later and talk to people individually, if you need to tell them anything. Angel and his people just want to know whether or not the stories we told them are true; and if they should help us or not."

"Fine, but I'm not dropping this Xander, I don't know how you kept this a secret but I'm getting details out of you later. I'll sing first 'cos I know nobody else wants to. Dawn snuggled a little closer to Spike before letting her clear, sweet voice drift across the room; causing everyone to stop what they were doing and listen.

"_How can I think I'm standing strong?  
Yet feel the air beneath my feet.  
How can happiness feel so wrong?  
How can misery feel so sweet?  
How can you let me watch you sleep?  
Then break my dreams the way you do.  
How can I have got in so deep?  
Why did I fall in love with you?_

This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been.  
Feeling twenty two, acting seventeen.  
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known.  
I was never crazy on my own.

And now I know  
That there's a link between the two  
Being close to craziness  
And being close to you."

"Is that enough for you to work with?"

"Oh yes sweetie, that was beautiful, and more than enough. Everything she told you was true Angel. You should know she's more important than any of you realise. Nothing must be allowed to happen to her."

"Trust me Lorne, Dawnie is our number one priority, nothing's going to get past us and hurt her. I guess I'll go next." Graham's eyes were less tormented since his talk with Xander, but when he began to sing, Lorne could see the pain and fear hadn't completely gone.

"_If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to.  
And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you.  
If you want a partner, take my hand  
Or if you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand.  
I'm your man._

If you want a boxer, I will step into the ring for you,  
And if you want a doctor, I'll examine every inch of you.  
If you want a drive, climb inside.  
Or if you want to take me for a ride, you know you can.  
I'm your man."

It was almost painful for everyone watching the former soldier, he was laying his heart bare for them and no one knew what to say. Lorne simply nodded to Angel, confirming that whatever Graham had told them was the truth.

Before she could talk herself out of it, Sam stepped forward. Her voice so soft, most of them could barely hear the words she sang.

"_How long does a tear take to dry?  
When a woman has no breeze.  
How long does a tear take to dry?  
When a woman, when a woman's on her knees._

Look I'm so sorry, my hearts broken.  
I still love you.  
You're so sweet.  
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave  
The flowers smell sweeter, the closer you are to the grave."

Barely giving Lorne time to tell everyone that Sam's story had also been true; Kennedy started to sing, her voice straining as she struggled to hold back tears.

"_I was her, she was me.  
We were one, we were free.  
And if there's somebody calling me on.  
She's the one._

We were young, we were wrong.  
We were fine all along.  
If there's somebody calling me on.  
She's the one.

When you get to where you wanna to go,  
And you know the things you wanna know.  
You're smiling.  
When you said what you wanna say,  
And you know the way you wanna play.  
Yeah.  
You'll be so high, you'll be flying.  
She's the one."

"Oh honey, I'm so sorry for your loss, I know you don't think so now; but things are going to get better. And yes Angel, everything she told you was true. So who's up next"

"I guess that's me." Amy really wasn't sure she wanted yet another person inside her head, but knew how important it was to make Angel and Wesley believe in them. Hoping that Lorne wouldn't see too much, the young Wicca took a deep and began to sing.

"_I'm taking my ride with destiny  
Willing to play my part.  
Living with painful memories  
Loving with all my heart._

Made in Heaven, made in Heaven.  
It was all meant to be, yeah.  
Made in Heaven, made in Heaven.  
That's what they say,  
Can't you see?  
That's what everybody says to me.  
Can't you see?  
Oh I know, I know, I know that it's true.  
Yes it's really meant to be.  
Deep in my heart  
I'm having to learn to pay the price.  
They're turning me upside down,  
Waiting for possibilities.  
Don't see too many around.  
Made in Heaven, made in Heaven."

Amy looked Lorne right in the eyes and tried desperately to will him not to say anything about what he might have seen. It'd been bad enough to see Kennedy scurrying out of the room shortly after she began singing, she really didn't need everyone else knowing how screwed up she still was. Lorne narrowed his eyes at her wordless pleas, but spoke only briefly, once again confirming the truth of her words. Amy could tell, by the assessing look he gave her, that he would almost certainly want to talk to her privately about what he'd seen.

When Faith stepped up for her turn, everyone in the room was surprised by what they heard. They might have imagined a loud and angry song from the dark Slayer, but what they got was a few gentle verses, sung in a voice that sounded far younger and more innocent then any of them expected.

"_If a love as strong as ours  
Couldn't make it all the way,  
Can anything make sense at all?  
If a love so deep and true  
Couldn't stand the test of time?  
Then Mount Everest should slide and Jerusalem should fall._

Is nothing sacred any more?  
Is forever just another word?  
Is a promise something people used to keep,  
When love was worth fighting for?

Is nothing sacred any more?  
There's no justice in a dream.  
Never thought a heart could break,  
Without making any sound.  
Is nothing sacred any more?"

Knowing how hard that had been for Faith and how much she hated it if people saw how vulnerable she could be; Xander just let Lorne acknowledge that Faith's story had been as honest as everyone else's, before launching into his own song.

"_Summer time has come and passed,  
The innocent can never last.  
Wake me up when September ends.  
Like my father's come to pass,  
Seven years has gone so fast.  
Wake me up when September ends._

Here comes the rain again,  
Falling from the sky.  
Drenched in my pain again,  
Becoming who we are.  
As my memory rests,  
But never forgets what I lost.  
Wake me up when September ends.

Summertime has come and passed,  
The innocent can never last.  
Wake me up when September ends.  
Ring out those bells again,  
Like we did when Spring began.  
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,  
Falling from the sky.  
Drenched in my pain again,  
Becoming who we are.  
As my memory rests,  
But never forgets what I lost.  
Wake me up when September ends."

Xander sang for longer than everyone else, and whilst they were all surprised by the natural ability his voice showed, what really affected them all was the pain, which was apparent in every word he sang. Nobody in the room needed Lorne's gift to understand how badly Xander had been hurt by everything that'd happened in the last few months.

Lorne took a deep breath and squashed down the worry and fear he had for his old friend. He'd have a long talk with Xander later, but right now he had a job to do. "Well kiddies, I never thought I'd say this; but I'm seriously thinking about finding a portal back to Pylea. Yes the storm that's coming is that bad, if anything Xander and his friends have been sugar-coating stuff; so as not to scare you off. There are no choices here people; we help them, period. Whatever they want, whatever they need, or we can kiss the world good-bye. There's a hell of a lot of work to do, so maybe we should get started. I think maybe I have an idea of where you can start looking for that missing research you need."

Lorne knew it wasn't going to be that simple, he'd seen so much pain and loss in the young people he'd read. He knew they'd all need a lot of help if they were going to get through the next few months, especially the young Wicca. Having another's memories thrust into her mind had almost driven her crazy. She'd hidden her suffering well; not wanting to bother Willow's friends, but if she didn't start to deal with it soon, they could lose her. She'd have to wait a bit though, as soon as he told Wesley where to start looking, Lorne had to grab hold of a certain bleached blond vampire and have a chat with him about mysterious seers.

_tbc……._

Songs used are :-

Dawn – Katie Melua, "The Closest Thing To Crazy."  
Graham - Leonard Cohen "I'm Your Man."  
Sam - The Beautiful South "How Long's A Tear Take To Dry?"  
Kennedy - Robbie Williams "She's The One."  
Amy - Freddie Mercury "Made In Heaven."  
Faith - Meatloaf "Is Nothing Sacred?"  
Xander - Green Day "When September Ends."


	13. Chapter 12 Marshmallows and Memories

**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/omc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

**Marshmallows And Memories**

When Spike finished talking to Lorne, it was late and nearly everyone else had gone to bed. He knew they probably weren't sleeping; they simply needed some time to process all the stuff they'd learned. After he had heard what Lorne had to tell him he didn't want to be alone, so when he heard the faint sounds of someone moving round the kitchen, he went looking for company. When he got there he caught the sweet aroma of hot chocolate coming from a pan on the stove and wondered if he could beg a cup. Glancing round he saw Xander leaning against one of the counters, he wasn't even sure the man had heard him come in as he appeared lost in thought. In the last days of Sunnydale they'd started a tentative friendship, the only male company in the sea of women that had surrounded them, but it had all been on the surface. A few nights in front of the tv, watching crappy movies; and conversations about nothing at all over too much beer. Back then Spike hadn't cared much, it'd been enough that Xander had stopped wanting him dead, that he'd given acceptance to the vampire's place in their lives; but that had been a very different Xander.

The man he'd seen and talked to today bore little resemblance to the broken shell Xander had become in the last days before the First. This man had a confidence and maturity that was hard to equate with the babbling boy he remembered. Thinking about the way Xander had talked to him earlier proved how much he'd changed, he'd actually encouraged him to be with Dawn; to take a chance that they could have something. He'd shown that he knew Spike better than almost anyone; that he'd seen past Spike's, ever present, masks to the man beneath. Perhaps Caleb had been right when he'd dubbed Xander 'the one who sees', and he couldn't help but wonder if that ability to cut through the bullshit that everyone surrounds themselves with wasn't Xander's most important gift.

There'd always been a part of Spike that longed for a place to belong; Angelus had tried to beat it out of him, Druscilla had isolated him in her madness, but neither had erased the longing. He'd always surrounded himself with company, from minions to the disaster that had been his fling with Harmony. Even when he'd hated the scoobies, he'd needed them as a balm to stave off his loneliness. Over the years he'd had companions, lovers, and allies; but he'd never had a friend. Perhaps it was time he did, maybe Xander would let him into this world he'd built and give him a place at last.

"So got a cup of that to spare for an old mate?"

"Sure Spike, just grab yourself a mug."

"Wot you doing all down here alone, thought you'd be safely tucked up with your soldier?"

"Just trying to figure out what the hell I'm doing. They all think that I've got the answers and the truth is that I don't have a clue. Most of the time I'm more lost than they are."

"You don't need to know it all, they trust you to make the right call when it counts."

"That's just it, for all my big words I'm still not certain I'd be able to do it; what if I screw it up when it counts?"

"No guarantees in this life, you just got to remember why you're doing this. In the end it's about protecting them that you love. Always known that there wasn't anything you wouldn't do to keep the bit safe."

"Way too tired for the philosophical crap Spike. Why don't you tell me what brought you down here, you've got a brood on that'd be worthy of your Sire."

"Talked to Lorne didn't I? Got some bad news. After I turned up in Peaches' office I didn't know what I was here for. Thought I'd done my bit back in the dale, couldn't understand why I was still around. Almost wound up back in hell courtesy of this mojo guy."

"Jeez Spike."

"Yeah, well never happened in the end, and Fred figured out how to make me real again. Got quite a brain on her that one. Sweet too, you'll appreciate having her 'bout the place."

"If she decides to stay."

"Oh she'll stay. They all will, even Angel'll figure it out. They need to get away from Wolfram and Hart and this is as good an excuse as they're gonna get."

"Hope you're right about that, we need all the help we can get our hands on."

"Don't see any of them turning their backs on saving the world, not their style. Anyway like I was saying I got me body, but I still didn't know why I was here. Angel hates having me around, suppose I remind him too much of his Angelus years. He always makes such a fucking big deal 'bout how the soul makes _him_ different; but won't accept it's the same for me. Kept watching all the time, saying I was still a monster; that sooner or later I'd be killing again. Part of it was about Buffy, he's never gonna get past the fact she told him to give that bloody amulet to me and he's a tendency to go a little nuts when he has to think about me and her together."

"Perception's never exactly been his strong point."

"You got that right. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't wanted by Angel or any of his people; but the bastard wouldn't let me go either. Said I'd been sent to him for a reason and he refused to let me go wandering off, in case he needed me. Buggered up all his plans I did. You see he's been obsessing 'bout this prophecy, Shanshu he calls it. Talks about a champion, vampire with a soul, who's gonna save the world and get rewarded, get made human. Always figured it was about him, then I show up and he has to deal with the fact it might not be."

"Let me guess, his ego couldn't stand it."

"Drove him potty. Then a few weeks ago I get this visit. Fella says he's a messenger from the Powers, that they sent him to be my Seer. Tells me that I am the one in the fucking prophecy on account of Angel setting up shop with the evil lawyers makes him all unworthy. I grabbed onto it, went out when he told me, saved some people from the local nasties, it all seemed to fit. Even got me an apartment, so's I wouldn't have to keep mooching off Angel. Really believed in it I did, thought it was why they'd sent me back. That I had a place that was mine, not borrowed off someone else. Should've known it was too fucking good to be true.

Lorne heard me humming along when the Bit was singing, got himself a good read. Saw everything, me and the Seer; wot we'd been up to. Only he isn't a Seer is he. Turns out he's a fucking lawyer. Used to work at Wolfram and Hart, 'til he went a little nuts and took off. He's the idiot wot brought Darla back that time and it seems that this whole fucking thing was a charade, just his way of getting to Angel. It was all about revenge and I was just the tool he was gonna use to bring Angel down.

Pathetic isn't it? I've been around for the best part of two centuries and I go and get myself played by some pissant lawyer. Was so fucking desperate to believe that I never looked beneath the surface."

"Not your fault Spike, not like you're a bloody mind reader. You were just trying to find a purpose. You said you saved some people, so whatever his motives were, at least you know you did some good."

"Small consolation pet. He probably set them up in the first place, to give me a reason to believe him. And that's not the worst of it, Lorne reckons he has something or knows something we're gonna need. That means I'm gonna have to go get the bloke and bring him in, put up with everyone knowing wot an idiot I've been. Peaches is gonna laugh himself silly over this one."

"So ignore him, you usually do. Doesn't matter what they think, you know why you did what you did. You had good intentions Spike, he was the one who did wrong not you. Lorne's just full of surprises tonight isn't he?"

"Saw him track you down earlier, don't tell me you didn't like wot you heard either?"

"Well he figured out Giles' cryptic clues. Saw a fyarl and halloween and a lot of chaos. Ring any bells?"

"Not that fucking mage wot turned the Watcher into a demon? Thought the Initiative took care of that wanker. Only smart thing they ever did"

"Well they did the whole dragging him off in chains thing, but it seems they decided he was all rehabilitated after a while."

"You're kidding?"

"No, they patted themselves on the back for making him all better and then they just let him go. So I tell you what, I'll come with you to pick up your bad guy, if you come with me to get mine. Maybe we'll stop each other from killing them."

"Sounds like a plan to me. Won't that fella of yours want to go along though?"

"Probably, if I told him. But there's no way I'm letting Ethan Rayne anywhere near Graham 'til I'm sure he isn't dangerous."

"Gonna wrap him in cotton wool are you? Seem to remember you always hated it when Buffy tried to keep you out of the fight."

"I know, and he's going to be pissed, _again_. But at least I could defend myself, he wasn't kidding about not being able to kill Spike. It makes him a fucking sitting duck. He can hate me all he wants, just as long as he's alive to do it."

"I know where to find mine, how about the mage?"

"Amy's working on a spell to track his magic, can't be that many chaos mages running 'round town. Lorne reckons he can narrow the search, let her know when she's got the right guy."

"So any other little catastrophes Lorne see fit to tell you about?"

"Just the fact that Amy is apparently on the edge of a nervous breakdown and none of us noticed."

"What do you mean? She's never said anything's wrong." Both men turned towards the voice breaking into their conversation, and smiled when they saw Dawn slipping into the room. "I can't believe you guys didn't tell me you were having hot chocolate."

"Sorry Dawnie, wasn't exactly a plan, besides I thought you were asleep."

"No excuse Xander, now get me a cup."

"Yes your majesty."

"Xan, what did you mean about Amy, she's been with us a lot since we got to Cleveland and I'd no idea anything was wrong."

"Don't beat yourself up Dawn, none of us did. According to Lorne she's having a real hard time with Willow's memories. She can't sort out her feelings and thoughts from the ones Willow dumped in her head. And she figured that we all got upset when she said or did stuff that was more Willow than her. She gets caught up in it and says things that she shouldn't know, about Kennedy or stuff that happened with all of us. Then she feels all guilty about upsetting us and that's why she's been keeping to herself so much."

"I never meant to make her feel bad, it's just that sometimes she'll talk about Tara or say something that is pure Willow and it reminds me that she's gone."

"I know, it does that to me too. But it isn't Amy's fault, so we're gonna have to figure out a way to make this easier on her."

"Wes might know something, might be a way to help her integrate the memories."

"You think? Can you talk to him for us Spike? I don't want to lose anyone else."

"Might come better from one of you bit. Not exactly one of his favourite people."

"Yeah well we treated him like shit back in Sunnydale. We were so scared that if we let him in they'd take Giles away we never gave him a chance. I mean he was a complete idiot back then, but if we'd let him, he might have been a good Watcher. We acted like a bunch of spoilt brats. He seems like he's changed a lot, and we don't know him at all now. At least you've spent some time with him. Dawn's right, you'd do a better job of it than we would."

"I'm glad to hear you think I've changed."

"Wes, well that's embarrassing, exactly when did you come in?"

"Just around Spike telling you that I might be able to help. You know I'm well aware I wasn't a very good Watcher when I arrived in Sunnydale, but I never realised how much Giles meant to you."

"It wasn't the Watcher thing Wes. You could have been the greatest Watcher on earth and we'd still have wanted you gone. Giles was more than that to us. Buffy and Dawn's dad took off to parts unknown after the divorce and he hasn't shown his face since. Not even when we lost Joyce. Willow's parents never really noticed her, they let her raise herself and they'd go off and leave her alone all the time. Cordy's parents gave her anything she wanted, but they never cared what she did, just so long as she didn't embarrass the Chase name. My family never sobered up long enough to even notice I was alive. In a very real sense Giles and Joyce raised us all. They were our parents in every way that counted. You really didn't have a hope of fitting in, 'cos none of us would ever risk losing Giles. I know it probably doesn't help much but it was never about you."

"Actually it does help. Though I should have seen it for myself, I never took the time to see any of you really."

"The old council didn't exactly train you to deal with the likes of the Scooby gang Wes. We kind of burned up their precious rule book."

"And you helped Buffy last longer than any other Slayer."

"So if you two are done with beating yourselves up, can you tell us if you can help Amy or not?"

"It won't be easy Dawn, I can help the memories integrate but that will probably mean that she'll say and do more things that remind you of Willow."

"Then we'll have to learn how to deal. It's our problem not hers. You know Xander this is a like a proper Scooby meeting now. We've got a Watcher and everything."

"So we do. What do you say Wes, want to grab a cup of chocolate and help us plan?"

"Seems like old times alright, even the chocolate tastes like Joyce's."

"That's 'cos it's her recipe Spike."

"How'd you get that? Always thought she wouldn't tell."

"When Anya and I got that apartment she came over all domestic. Wanted to prove she could be a proper girlfriend and stuff. She got Joyce to teach her how to cook and she gave Anya the recipe 'cos she figured it should be passed on somewhere. And it wasn't going to be her family not with the way Buffy and Dawn were such disasters in the kitchen."

"I'm not that bad."

"Bit, the one time you tried to cook, you set fire to the oven."

"That was years ago."

"And last week when you set off all the fire alarms when you were making toast?"

"It got jammed, still wasn't my fault."

"Sure Dawnie, just remember you're not allowed in the kitchen alone. Anyway after Sunnydale I got a letter from Anya's lawyer. Turned out she had a bunch of life insurance and investments and she'd left it all to me. That's how I could afford to buy this place. Tucked in with the Will was a letter, and she'd included the recipe. Wanted me to promise to keep making it and to pass it on one day so nobody would ever forget about Joyce."

"As if we'd ever forget, two strong women like that. Both of 'em made a hell of an impression."

"Yeah, but it's nice Anya thought about it. I think mom would like it; knowing we still sit up like this."

"Spent many a night with your mum, talking and such. Was a right proper lady, let me witter on about Dru and the chip. Always had a kind word and a bit if time."

"That was Joyce, she never gave up a chance to mother someone. Don't know what we'd have all done without her."

"Did you tell mom about your little adventure in stripperville?"

"Subject change much Dawnie?"

"What? I want to know. I mean I thought we all knew everything about each other and it's like you had this whole big secret thing. It's weird, like there's this Xander I don't know."

"Still just me Dawnie, and yes actually I did tell your mom."

"You did? So how come you never told anyone else?"

"I told Buffy."

"You told Buffy that you worked one night in a club in Oxnard." Amy stepped into the kitchen and sat down. Then realising from the shocked look on Xander's face that she'd said something she shouldn't have known. "I'm sorry, I'll just go back upstairs. I can't believe I did it again. I just heard you talking and it popped into my head."

"Amy don't you dare run off. I know we've been kind of weird about you knowing everything Willow knew, but we don't care if you talk about it. Anyway that isn't why I freaked this time. I had no idea Willow knew anything about it, Buffy promised me she wouldn't say anything."

"You're sure?"

"Of course we are Amy, so did Willow know all about Xander's adventure?"

"I don't think so. I can just see Buffy telling her about how Xander filled in for a dancer one night."

"Yeah, I told Buffy that the night I came back to Sunnydale. She'd gotten beat up by some vamp and was feeling a little sorry for herself and I thought a funny story would cheer her up. I can't believe she spilled her guts."

"So how'd you go from filling in, to headliner?"

"Dorien was in Oxnard for a party. She happened to be there when I did what I thought was my one and only show. Next day she shows up at the club again, I was back behind the bar and she asked if I wanted to come work for her. I was all set to say no, when she waved a ridiculous amount of cash under my nose and I thought what the hell."

"So why the secret? Always thought you told your girls everything?"

"Not that simple Spike. I mean Dorien's place was a mixed club, demons and humans. I finally figured out that not all demons were necessarily evil, even made a few friends, like Lorne. I just didn't know how to explain that to Buffy. She didn't need moral ambiguities in her life, as a Slayer Giles had to teach her that demon equals evil. If she'd started hesitating to check out the intentions of every demon she came across, she would've have wound up dead pretty quick. And it was kind of nice, having something that was just mine. That had nothing to do with the Hellmouth or the scoobies."

"So why didn't you stay?"

"Wasn't home Dawn, I missed my family. You know there's something not quite right with this chocolate, I thought I followed the recipe."

"Marshmallows, mom always put marshmallows in it."

"That's it, Wes there should be a bag in that cupboard behind you. Can you grab them?"

"Perfect. Bit why don't you take yours upstairs, you look dead on your feet luv."

"I'm fine."

"Go on Dawnie, promise we won't talk about anything important while you're not here."

"Fine, I'll go. Under protest, Spike will you walk me up?"

" Course I will. I'll be back in a little while, don't drink all that chocolate."

Wes watched Spike take Dawn's arm and escort her upstairs, he'd expected Xander to object and was surprised to find him smirking at their retreating backs, "You trust him with her?"

"One thing I'm completely sure of, is that Spike would happily kill himself rather than hurt Dawn."

"But he's….."

"A vampire? So is Angel and everyone is supposed to trust him. Lets face it which of them has the moral high ground here. Angel only got a soul because he fed off the wrong girl and pissed off a bunch of powerful gypsies. Spike was trying to help when he was a demon and he went looking for **his **soul. He fought for it, earned it. I really don't get why you can accept Angel and follow him and yet think so little of Spike. He willingly gave up his life to save the world, and none of you seem to give him any credit for that. You never even let us know he came back."

"But I seem to recall that you never liked Angel or trusted him. Yet you seem to consider Spike one of you."

"The not liking Angel thing, less to do with him being a vampire and more to do with him being a broody asshole who got the girl I wanted. So it was petty and pathetic, I was seventeen, what did you expect. As for the trust thing, well it was kind of hard to trust someone you knew nothing about. Angel used to turn up, do the cryptic warning, make out with Buffy and disappear off into the night. He never got involved, never became a part of our lives. Sometimes I used to wonder if he even saw us. It was all about his redemption and Buffy, the rest of us might as well not have been there."

"And Spike saw you?"

"Hell yeah, even when he was trying to kill us, he still knew us better than Angel ever did. He understood that we were all a part of the fight and that he'd need to stop all of us, not just Buffy. It was a strange kind of respect really, that he thought it important enough to know all our strengths and weaknesses. Angel or Angelus, didn't matter which, they both thought we were irrelevant. Spike made himself a part of us. Made a place beyond the demon fighting. You heard Dawn earlier, so you have an idea how much he means to her."

"Are they…?"

"Not yet. But she's working on it. I don't figure it'll take her long to wear him down. So he'll be back down in a minute and this is all starting to stray into Dawn's privacy. So what say we stop with the gossip and start making plans for Ethan."

Xander, Wes, Spike and Amy began to discuss ways of making sure they could keep the hotel safe from Ethan. None of them noticed the figure detach itself from the doorway, where it had been listening to their conversations. Angel had come downstairs to try and talk to Xander privately. He knew that the two of them would have to find a way to work together if this new alliance was going to work. He hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but had thought he could just stay out of sight until Xander chucked Spike out of the kitchen. He hadn't expected the easy friendship that he'd witnessed between the two. Hearing Spike talk about his life since he came back left a nasty taste in Angel's mouth as he realised how badly he'd treated him. And listening to Xander talk about the differences between the two vampires made him feel ridiculously jealous. He knew it was his own fault, that he'd chosen to hold himself apart, not wanting to get attached to mortals. But he couldn't help envy the way Spike had made himself a part of a family, and the ease with which the mortals accepted his Childe made Angel realise how much he'd missed out on over the years. Moving quietly to the stairs, he listened a moment longer as they made plans for the next day. He still needed to talk to Xander, but he had a lot of thinking to do first.

_tbc……._


	14. Chapter 13

**The White Knight's War**

Author : pixel  
Rated: R mostly, but maybe some NC-17 later depends how it goes  
Ship: xander/graham/omc  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, claim nothing, they all still belong to Joss et al and I'm just borrowing for a while.  
Authors Notes 1: Ok this is probably going to have slash, bad language, character death and buffy bashing so if you don't like don't read. I don't have a beta so all mistakes are mine if you point them out I'll try to fix them. There's an explanation etc in prologue.  
Authors Notes 2: Concrit and reviews always welcomed and appreciated, helps me know i'm not talking to myself here.

**Vampires and Mages and Lawyers Oh My. **

Angel hadn't had much luck trying to sleep, he just couldn't stop thinking about everything he'd found out the day before. He knew that he'd be staying to help and hoped all his people would join him; he just didn't know if Xander would trust him, after the way he'd behaved. He still couldn't believe how much the young man had changed; in Angel's mind all the Sunnydale people had been caught in a kind of time warp, he expected them to look and behave exactly as they did the last time he saw them. Trying to deal with a grown up Dawn and a surprisingly mature Xander was hard for him. In the end he decided he'd have to forget everything he thought he knew about them and get to know the adults they'd become.

As he came downstairs, figuring he'd have another go at talking to Xander, Angel watched the people in the lobby. Everyone was working hard, but the atmosphere was lighter than he'd expected. There was none of the tension that had permeated the room the previous afternoon, and he realised just how badly his presence and behaviour had affected everyone. As he looked on, Xander came up from the basement; stopping at each group in turn, he gave a few words of encouragement or answered questions from his people. And they were Xander's people; Angel realised, everyone in the room listened to the young man and seemed to take comfort in his words and gestures. Even after everything Angel had seen and heard the day before, he hadn't judged Xander right. He'd assumed the younger man was just a figure head, leader in name only because of the prophecy, but what he was looking at now was a general marshalling his troops.

Xander worked his way around the room until he drew level with Angel at the foot of the stairs, "Angel?"

"I was wondering if we could talk?"

"Sure, I was going to grab some breakfast, want to come with?" Xander headed off to the kitchen with Angel following close behind.

"Breakfast at four in the afternoon, keeping vampire hours now?"

"Well most of the beasties do come out at night, so it makes sense. Besides I've been travelling so much even my jetlag has jetlag; my body has no idea what time it should be, just that I'm hungry."

"I'm glad to see that some things don't change."

"Just for that you can get your own blood, it's in the fridge."

When Angel looked he saw a whole section full of blood bags, more than enough to feed both him and Spike for a month. Gesturing at the supply he asked, "You were that sure we'd stay?"

"Pretty much, at least I knew Spike would and hoped you'd listen long enough to understand what we're doing."

"Going to war against Buffy?"

"Yeah, and that freaks me out about twice as much as it does you; but we don't have a choice."

"I know," A look of disbelief crossed Xander's face as Angel continued, "Look I was an idiot yesterday. It wasn't that I didn't believe you; it was just…….I had this dream, that one day I'd get redeemed and that somehow Buffy and I would be together, accepting what you said meant that I'd never have that."

"It isn't easy giving up your dreams, does this mean you're staying?"

"Not like we have much of a choice, I kind of like the world the way it is."

"And the others?"

"I'm pretty sure Fred and Gunn will want to help and you already talked to Spike and Wes last night."

"You were eavesdropping." Xander's words were a statement not a question.

"You knew?"

"Vampire senses now, remember? Spike and I both knew you were there. Couldn't have been much fun for you, listening to us."

"Not exactly, I never realised how much Spike had changed. I still saw him as a monster, the jealousy didn't help much."

"You don't need to beat yourself up too much Angel, it took a long, long time for me to change the way I saw Spike, and I was around to watch him change. I'm as guilty as anyone for not seeing beyond his demon, I couldn't understand it at all when Buffy first started trusting him."

"But you did change, you accepted the person he's become; he's my Childe, he should have been able to count on me."

"Can't change what's done, all you can do is be there for him now; he'll probably need some support over this fake Seer thing."

Angel couldn't suppress a growl as he thought of what his least favourite lawyer had done to Spike. "Lindsey Macdonald has a lot to answer for, he's been screwing with my people since the day I set foot in LA."

Xander suddenly smelled worried and his voice was oddly hesitant when he spoke, "Lindsey Macdonald, that's the name of the lawyer that's been playing Spike?"

"Yes, it's not Spike's fault, that damn lawyer's very convincing when he wants to be."

"Oh yeah, Lindsey's always been able to charm his way into anything. Fuck, this is all I need."

"You know him?" Angel couldn't figure out where the former Scoobie could have encountered Macdonald.

"You could say that, met him on my famous lost summer. I can't believe how much that's coming back to haunt me."

"You mean when you…..?"

"Stripped? Yeah, that's how I met Linds, he used to come in and watch, one of my favourite customers."

"Wait a sec, you don't mean that you and him….? Oh shit!"

"Couldn't have put it better myself."

"What happened? I mean why didn't it work out?"

"I knew he was a lawyer but I didn't know anything about Wolfram and Hart back then. They never bothered with the Hellmouth so Giles never told us about them. I just thought he was charming and sweet and he made me feel like I was someone important. Heady stuff for an eighteen year old small town boy. Anyway one day I was hanging out at his place while he was at work and I saw a file he'd left behind; being nosy and bored I decided to take a look. It was all about you, your friends, enemies, habits etc. Even had a whole section on Buffy and her side kicks, it was funny seeing my name there. I called Dorien and finally got the low down on Wolfram and Hart, they'd all assumed I knew about them, because I worked with Buffy. I figured that Lindsey hadn't made the connection between Xander Harris, Slayerette and Alex Lavell who strips in demon bars; but sooner or later he'd see my wallet or something and figure it out. I packed my stuff and was halfway back to Sunnydale by the time he got out of court for the day."

"You didn't confront him?"

"Hell no, I didn't want to risk that."

"You were afraid of him?" That didn't fit what Angel knew of Xander, he'd never been one to back away from a fight.

"I was afraid, but of me not Linds. I was scared that if I stayed, he'd be able to talk me out of leaving, I just wasn't sure I'd be strong enough to do it to his face."

"You loved him?"

"Maybe, I was starting to, guess my taste in men is as appalling as my taste in women, thank god I've got Graham. Though I'm starting to wish I hadn't been completely honest with him about my past, he's going to be really pissed about Lindsey and he's insecure enough without that."

"Do you want me to go with Spike instead of you?"

"No, I'd rather get the confrontation done away from here, but maybe you could come with us; just so long as you promise not to kill him on sight."

"Can I at least hit him a little?"

"No, if Spike isn't allowed to hit him, neither are you."

"Oh, please." Now Angel's voice was a plaintive whine.

"Ok, Angel joking, now I'm disturbed beyond belief."

"What, you can change but I can't?"

"Yeah, but my only previous memories of you being happy involve Angelus and lots of dead bodies. There're a couple of other things we need to talk about before we leave." Xander took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to explain everything without upsetting Angel too much. "Graham can heal Cordelia, we sent a team to the hospital to get her and she should be here by the time we get back."

Angel was stunned, he'd almost begun to give up hope of ever getting Cordelia back. "You're sure he can help her?"

"Yes, but you have a decision to make before that happens. Willow was working on a spell to secure your soul, she'd been trying to figure it out ever since Sunnydale. She finally got it right just before she died."

"You mean that Cordy and I…..?"

"I don't know, but I doubt it. The only way to be sure that you'll never lose your soul again is for you to merge with your demon. The soul would be in charge, so we wouldn't have to worry about Angelus going on a rampage; but the demon would get some sway over what you do. I know how your soul feels about Cordy, but unless your demon feels the same you won't want to be with her after the merging."

"So I can stay the way I am, love her but never be able to touch her; or I can become whole and probably fall out of love with her?"

"I know it sucks, but I thought you might want to decide before Graham heals her, it'd probably be easier on you both that way."

"It's not really a choice is it? I have to do the spell, otherwise everyone I care about would always be at risk."

"At least wait until we get back before you tell Amy that you want to do it. You should talk to Spike, that's where Willow got the idea, his soul and demon are already merged; so he could tell you what to expect. The sun's almost down, we should grab Spike and get out of here."

The three men were all caught up in their own minds as they headed out. Spike was none too pleased to hear about Xander and Lindsey and wasn't sure why his Sire wanted to come with them. He knew how badly Angel was torn over the soul spell, but couldn't figure out how to help him decide. Angel was busy trying to get his head around the idea of Xander and Lindsey together; and wanting to figure out a way to get his Childe to trust him again. Thinking about Cordelia and the soul spell was just too painful, so he tried to put it out of his mind. Xander was just plain distracted; he really wanted to be doing anything but this, seeing Lindsey again was going to be awful and he'd no idea how he was going to explain it to Graham. With everything he had going on, all the decisions he had to make about the fight to come, he knew that this should be an irrelevance; but he couldn't help freaking out at the thought of being around his old lover. The three men practically ignored each other as they set out, only talking briefly when they decided to pick up Ethan first.

Approaching the hotel where Amy had located the mage they stopped and began to work out how to approach him.

"Spike and I can probably hold him, chaos magic doesn't work too well on vampires, there's nothing living for it to stick to."

"Lets hold off on the violence, I think that maybe Ethan will be co-operative without it."

"How'd do you mean pet? Seem to remember the bloke was a right pain in the arse."

"Yeah but he never tried to really hurt Giles."

"Turned him into a Fyarl demon, was one of the funniest things I've ever seen." At Angel's look of disapproval, Spike continued, "Got a soul, didn't have my sense of humour removed."

"Okay, he turned Giles into a demon, but it wasn't like he didn't know we'd figure it out; he spent more time warning Giles about the initiative then he did tormenting him. Made me think about the other times he hit Sunnydale, he never actually did anything to endanger Giles' life, just made a giant pain of himself. They had a history, back in Giles' Ripper days and I think that Ethan's going to be looking for a little revenge himself."

"Well revenge is sort of my speciality." They spun around to see Ethan Rayne standing just a few feet away, "You know I'm sort of disappointed, I expected you people to show up days ago, I was beginning to think that I'd have to get the bastards by myself."

The two vampires really didn't like the fact that Ethan had been able to sneak up on them, but decided to let Xander handle things; whilst they kept an eye out for any unwanted observers.

"Sorry for the wait, but the whole world saving thing doesn't exactly come with a schedule. I presume I don't need to give you the big speech about the end of the world; as it seems you already know what happened to Giles."

"I know he died, and that he died violently, the papers he sent me told me about the prophecies, I suppose you're the White Knight he was so concerned with; what I don't know is exactly who killed him."

"A wannabe watcher named Andrew held the knife, but it was the Immortal who gave the order, him and Buffy."

"Ripper's Slayer, never did like her. I'll give you the papers but Andrew's mine."

"Not a problem, though you'll get a lot of offers of help, you'd be surprised how bloodthirsty some of my Slayers have gotten lately. You've got the papers?"

"Right here, " Ethan tapped his jacket pocket, I would have come to you but I couldn't seem to get a fix on your location at all."

"Amy's done a pretty good job of hiding our location, do you think you'll be able to work with a Wicca? We'd be even safer if we double up on the wards and they'd never expect us to have access to chaos magic."

"I'll work with whoever it takes to get this done, though I'm rather surprised you trust me."

"I don't but I remember that when we took the initiative down Giles tried to find you, he cared enough to try and make sure they hadn't hurt you too much. Besides if I even get a hint you're betraying us, I'll just feed you to Spike."

Ethan swallowed hard when he heard Xander talk about Giles looking for him, his feelings for the other Englishman had never changed, but he'd always wondered if ripper still felt the same about him. Biting back his grief, he refused to think about the wasted years, the time they'd lost; instead he'd focus on making those that killed his love pay, and pay dearly.

By the time they got to Spike's apartment you could cut the tension with a knife; they'd spent the journey telling Ethan everything they could about their situation, but couldn't delay going inside any longer. Ethan looked at the tense and angry faces on the three men and asked. "What exactly did this gentleman do to get you all so riled up? I thought he was just a lawyer, but he seems to have you all spooked."

"Fucking git pretended to be my Seer, tried to tell me I was important to the Powers. He bloody played me like a kid, not something I take lightly."

"Tried to kill me and my people more times than I care to count."

"Old boyfriend."

Ethan heard the three replies and then asked. "Maybe you'd like me to deal with him?"

"Much as I'd enjoy that, according to Lorne we need him in one piece; at least for now. Spike why don't you and Angel go in, Ethan and I will wait out here until we're sure he's in there."

As he pushed open the door of the apartment, Spike could smell Lindsey in the room; he so wanted to rush in and beat the slimy bastard to a pulp, and it was only his Sire's hold on his arm that enabled him to keep control. "Lindsey." Spike's voice was ice cold as he spoke the single word of greeting.

The lawyer looked up and saw that Spike wasn't alone, he blanched a little when he saw Angel, but surprisingly, he didn't smell at all afraid. "Looks like you found me out, well it was fun whilst it lasted."

"Fun?" Now Spike's voice was a growl and he began straining against Angel's grip. "You played with my fucking life."

"Wasn't about you Spike, you were just a means to an end. Now as it's over I think I'll be going."

"What makes you think we're going to let you leave?" Angel sounded deadly calm as he looked Lindsey directly in the eyes.

"We did this act before, remember? I hate you, you hate me; I do something despicable and you want me dead. But you guys are the heroes, which means you don't go around killing humans in cold blood. Now I've better things to do then look at your brooding face all day."

Before Lindsey could get near the door, Ethan entered the room. "You're right, hero types always have a problem with murder, fortunately nobody ever accused me of having heroic tendencies and I'd be more than happy to prove it."

Lindsey could feel a great deal of power coming from the stranger, he was pretty sure it was chaos magic, and he tried to remember who in LA could wield that sort of power. Finally he brought a name to mind, from an old file at Wolfram and Hart. "Ethan Rayne?"

"Well done, I'm glad my reputation proceeds me, that means you understand that I don't make idle threats. I had some dealings with your former employers and I'm certain you remember what happened when one of your colleagues tried to double cross me."

"You know Angel, I was kidding when I told Spike that taking over the office had corrupted you; but if you're working with someone like this maybe I was right."

"Much as I love the irony of you making moral judgements, we don't have time for this. Ethan and I are both working for someone else; it just happens that right now we've got a common enemy. Now grab your coat and get moving, you're coming with us."

"Do I get to know who it is that you're working for?"

"Xander Harris." Angel watched as Lindsey tried to identify the unfamiliar name.

"What, the kid who used to hang out with your Slayer? Coming down in the world aren't you."

Before Angel could reply, Xander ran into the apartment. "I just got a call from Faith, we're needed back at the hotel, just grab him and lets go."

Lindsey couldn't believe his eyes; he just stared at the man who'd entered the room, not hearing the conversation going on around him. Reaching up one hand he tried to touch the damaged side of Xander's face, but Angel grabbed him before he could get too close, his voice was barely audible as he whispered one word. "Alex?"

_tbc…….._


	15. Chapter 14

**The Prodigal**

The ride back to the Hyperion was tense to say the least. Lindsey wasn't exactly happy to be with them, and was making sure they all knew it. Xander still had no clue how to deal with his ex, so made a point of keeping as far from him as possible, spending the journey talking quietly with Spike, catching him up on everything that had been going on in his and Dawn's lives over the past couple of years. It was hard to say the least, knowing that Lindsey was listening to every word; but Xander was determined not to let the lawyer know how frazzled his presence made him.

Any hopes that things would be easier back at the hotel died the second they entered the lobby. Wes and Gunn were huddled round a crying Fred, but when they saw Angel they stormed across the room. Amidst all the yelling and screaming, it was hard for Xander to figure out what was going on, so he grabbed Faith in the hopes of getting a clear explanation.

When he heard what had happened, it was all he could do not to scream himself; they didn't need more trouble on top of what was already raining down on them. But this had to be dealt with and dealt with quick. The fact that Angel had a son was mind boggling enough, but the scale of the spell that had been used to hide him was staggering. The only one he'd ever heard of that came near it, was the one the monks had used to create Dawn.

The strange thing was, he almost found himself taking Angel's side in the argument; Xander had always fought first and foremost to protect those he loved, and he could understand the desperation Angel must have felt to have to turn to Wolfram and Hart for help. Xander would do anything for Dawn, and for the first time he realised that Angel truly was subject to the same human weaknesses as the rest of them. In the past Angel had always seemed to put his need for redemption first, and that's why Xander had found it so hard to trust him; now he was going to have to re-evaluate his opinion of the man.

None of these thoughts were going to help him defuse the near riot in his lobby and Xander realised he'd have to reign everyone in soon or his tentative alliances were going to fall apart on him. He pushed his way between Angel and Wes, who were literally standing chest to chest, and simply said, "Enough."

When Wes made to keep going Xander cut him off with a wave of his hand, "Look I know you have issues, well who here doesn't; we've got enough fucked up people in this room to keep every shrink in the state employed for years. For now you're just gonna have to suck it up and deal with it after the apocalypse, always providing we live that long."

Neither Wes nor Gunn looked exactly happy about that idea, but at least they shut up for the moment. They'd all been so busy arguing, that Xander didn't think they'd had time to really think through the consequences of what had happened. Xander wasn't looking forward to being the one that had to point out the dangers to Angel.

Xander sucked in a deep breath and looked at Angel, "Wolfram and Hart did the spell that hid your son, didn't they?"

"Look I've already told Wes that I did the right thing, I'm not going to apologise for wanting to protect Connor."

"Not getting at you here. Just….." Xander tried decide how to tell Angel what he'd figured out, opting in the end for the direct approach. "Angel, if Wolfram and Hart did the spell, then it's been broken now for a reason. We know the Immortal's one of the Senior Partners, and that means he's known about your son all along. The spell breaking right after you show up here can't be a coincidence." Xander could only watch in sympathy as Angel's face crumpled and he collapsed into a chair.

"Connor." Angel's voice was little more than a whisper and when he looked up, Xander could see unshed tears glistening in his eyes.

"Angel, where is he?" At first Xander wasn't even sure that Angel had heard him, so he asked again, "Angel, tell me where to find Connor."

"Why?" Angel sounded like a man that had lost all hope.

"So we can go get him. I'm not leaving anyone in Wolfram and Hart's hands and we need to get there before they do, so come on Angel; talk to me. You can't tell me that you let him go without some way to check up on him, you must now where he is."

"Palo Alto. He…uh…he's with a family in Palo Alto. His family, the one he should have had. Oh god what must he be feeling, he'll have gotten all his memories back too."

"You can ask him when you see him." Xander stayed to try and comfort Angel, knowing that his Slayers would already be preparing a team, now that they had the boy's location.

"If he's who he was before the spell, then he'll probably try to stake me on sight."

"Maybe not, " Dawn moved to sit by Angel, "He'll have the old memories, but he'll have the new ones too. This time around he's been raised by people who loved him and that's going to change how he thinks. Trust me, it doesn't matter if the memories are real or not; they shape who you are just the same."

The look in Angel's eyes said that he desperately wanted to believe in what Dawn had said, but he'd been through too much with Connor not to always expect the worst. After everything Dawn had yelled at him the night before, he was surprised she was willing to offer him even words of comfort, so he was startled when she reached out to hold his hand.

"Angel, I won't pretend to understand what you went through when you lost him; but I do know a little about being different. I've got fifteen years of memories that never happened. Despite what you and I remember; last night was the first time we actually met, but that doesn't change anything does it? Even though you know they never happened, you still have all the feelings associated with the old memories, and so will Connor. He's going to know what you sacrificed for him, and he's going to have years and years of good memories to prove it. You just have to have a little faith that things'll work out."

Angel looked at the girl, no the young woman sitting close beside him and was almost convinced by her quiet certainty. Reaching up a hand, he stroked her hair back from her face, "I do remember you; you were always so scared of me. Angelus made sure of that, you'd peep out at me when I came to see Buffy but you never relaxed when I was there. I wanted you to see I wasn't that monster anymore, but I never had the first clue how to talk to you."

"And I was always so sure you never noticed me at all, never mind gave me a second thought, that was always one of the reasons I didn't like you; you made me feel unimportant."

"Never that, you always been important to everyone around you; and you're right, it doesn't matter at all if the memories are real. It's the feelings that count."

Seeing that Dawn appeared to be taking care of Angel better than he could, Xander decided to check on the preparations for Connor's retrieval, he was surprised when Amy was the first to approach him.

She started talking the second he came close. "I can do the spell to merge Angel's soul before you go, I've already got everything set up."

"Doesn't that kind of thing usually wipe someone out, Angel's going to want to be at full strength for this." Xander really wasn't happy at the idea of risking a spell this big right before they went into a major fight.

"Actually he'll be better than ever, according to Willow's notes, he's expending a lot of energy keeping Angelus clamped down, once he doesn't need to do that; it'll be like he's got a new lease of life."

"New and improved Angel huh? Well I just hope that he stays under control, now why don't you tell me what else is up, you look like you need to say something I don't want to hear."

Amy hesitated for a second before reaching into her pocket and pulling out the crystal pendant she'd been working on for the last few days.

"No."

"Xander it'll be dawn before you get to Palo Alto."

"Amy…Damn it…..That's supposed to be for the end game remember; the big surprise to catch the bad guys off guard."

"It's his son." And damned if Amy hadn't inherited Willow's resolve face along with her memories.

The truth was that Xander really didn't want to fight her on this. The tactician in him might want to keep the surprise that they had a way to let the vampire's fight in the sun, in reserve; but the part of him that made him the White Knight just couldn't stomach it. Angel could have the pendant, he wasn't going to let this battle he was trapped in, make him as ruthless as those he had to fight.

"Guess I'll go and give him his funky new jewellery, and have him get ready for the spell."

Amy leaned up and kissed Xander on the cheek, "That's why we're willing to follow you, you know. You care about more than just winning, it's what we do along the way that truly shows who we are."

Xander just hoped she was right, and that this decision wouldn't come back to bite them. Knowing that waiting wasn't going to help, he headed back to Angel and started to explain what Amy wanted to do.

Tbc……

i I know this chapter is a little shorter than usual, but it's the big fight scene next; and so far (despite umpteen re-workings) it's still more tom and jerry then gladiator, so I thought you'd like this bit to tide you over /i


	16. Chapter 16

Angel looked down at Cordelia's sleeping body and reached out to take her hand. Wanting to hold onto the one person he was sure he could always count on. He'd slipped into her darkened room to get a few minutes of peace whilst Xander's people finished preparing to go and get Connor.

The day had been overwhelming for the vampire, dealing with Lindsey and Ethan, having the memory spell broken and figuring out that Wolfram and Hart would be going after his son. But Amy's spell had been the biggest shock of all.

The whole thing had been surreal and almost anti-climactic; the threat of Angelus had been central to his existence for so long, it was hard for him to believe he was truly free. There'd been no blinding light or searing pain; just Amy lightly holding his hands in hers, and chanting soft words in an ancient tongue.

Yet he knew it was done, he felt lighter than he ever had, the un-relenting pressure that had been Angelus straining to be free of his bonds was gone, as if it had never been, and Angel no longer felt as though his every action was a struggle against some unyielding force.

The biggest change had been in his feelings towards those around him. His family, he recognised that he instinctively wanted to take care of them, in the same way Angelus had always protected those he loved. They weren't just colleagues anymore or friends, nothing so straightforward as that. They were simply _**his**_, to watch over, to protect and to love, and though he still cared for Cordelia, now it was the love of a parent; the same as he felt for Connor, Fred, Gunn and Wes. Staring into her beautiful face and having to accept that she no longer held his heart, Angel could only hope that when she woke up, she would understand why he had done this.

He heard someone slip quietly into the room and glanced up to see Graham standing watching him. "I figured it was about time I checked in on my patient, see if I can make a start on healing her. I know Xan can't wait to have her back, she must be one hell of a woman, the way he always talks about her."

Angel didn't bother to answer just moved away from the bed and let Graham take his place, watching concernedly as the former soldier placed his fingers on Cordelia's head. The soft glow that surrounded Graham's hands illuminated the Seer's face, making her look more beautiful than she ever had, and Angel whispered a short prayer that this would work.

Long minutes later Graham pulled his hands away and fell back into the chair, his face was etched with pain and he was panting as though he'd been exercising hard. Angel ground his teeth together in an effort not to just pounce the man and demand answers and that made him realise that his newly merged self might not be as easy to control as he'd thought.

When Graham caught his breath and raised his head to look at Angel, the vampire began to have some kind of idea what this healing was costing the man; he was pale and drawn, with the smell of pain oozing from his every pore. But there was a part of Angel that just didn't care, Cordelia was his, Graham wasn't and it was her welfare that was his priority.

Perhaps realising that Angel was at the end of his rope, Graham began to speak, " I've done as much as I can for now. Her mind's healed and once she rests she should wake up naturally, then I'll be able to heal her body. It'll take a little time though, she's got a lot to recover from, I don't think she'll be awake properly 'til after you return."

"She's really going to be okay?" Even now it was hard for Angel to believe he was going to get her back.

"I promise, she'll be up and around before you know it."

"And bossing us all around to boot." Xander's voice cut into the conversation. "Angel I hate to do this to you, but we're ready to go."

With one last look at the bed Angel followed Xander down to the garage. Listening as the young man explained that they didn't want to risk the exposure of driving all the way to Palo Alto, so the plan was that they'd get just far enough away from the hotel to avoid prying eyes discovering their location, then Dawn would set up a portal that would take them directly to Connor's street.

As it turned out they were almost too late, when they threw open the van doors it was onto a scene of complete chaos. There were dozens of demons converging on Connor's home and with them a number of blank faced young women, Xander grimaced as he realised these were Slayers held in Cuore's thrall.

The soldier in Xander took over as his people piled out into the street and engaged the enemy, he'd told them to try and take any Slayer's alive, but he didn't hold out much hope; when they'd fought the bewitched girls before, they'd discovered that they would rather die than be taken.

Even as he was swinging his axe at the nearest demon, Xander was cataloguing the fight going on around him. So far his Slayers were doing fine, and he watched in amazement as Angel tore through Wolfram and Hart's demons, like they were little more than annoyances to the vampire. This wasn't the graceful fighter Xander remembered, Angel was moving with a vicious ferocity, literally tearing his enemies apart. It made Xander hope that this was just a case of over-protective parental instincts kicking in because of the threat to Connor, and not a sign that Angelus was running the show. He trusted Amy, but seeing Angel's gore-splattered form and madly grinning face, reminded Xander a little too much of the dark days in Sunnydale when Angelus had terrorised the town.

After awhile Xander realised that they were starting to break through the line, but that was partly because the demons were more interested in getting to the house than engaging in battle with Xander's team. Looking up the driveway, Xander could see a figure standing in the shattered doorway. It had to be Connor, the young man had a sword gripped tight in his fist and was desperately trying to stem the tide of demons pouring up the path.

Frightened faces appeared behind the young man, a middle aged couple and three young girls; Xander watched as Connor spoke urgently to what must be his family, shaking his head before motioning them back into the house. He then turned to face the demons, a look of grim determination on his face. Xander knew that look intimately; he'd seen it on his own face often enough. Connor was going to do whatever it took to keep his family safe, unfortunately Xander could tell that Connor's best wasn't going to be good enough.

Connor's newly awakened instincts and memories might be telling him what to do; but it had been too long since that body had fought a demon, and the numbers coming against him were over-whelming. Xander knew he couldn't let Connor fail, couldn't stand by and watch him die; so he gathered every bit of his new powers and literally forced his way up to the house, not caring if the demons he fought lived or died, just so long as they got out of his way.

When he finally reached the steps Connor swung around to face him, his sword at Xander's throat leaving the White Knight to wonder for a second if he was going to die for his trouble, then the younger man caught sight of the crucifix gleaming at Xander's throat and seemed to decide he was not a threat. Flashing Xander a feral grin, Connor gutted a demon that had been sneaking up behind them before throwing himself back into the fight.

Finally it was over, there were only a handful of demons left and Angel finally had a moment to catch his breath; he knew that he'd probably frightened his allies as much as his enemies, he hadn't been able to help himself. The thought of Connor being in danger had sent him wild, his only thought had been to protect his son and so he'd thrown himself at Cuore's people, killing demon and thralled Slayers alike, it didn't matter that Xander had wanted the girls taken alive, they wanted to hurt his son, so as far as Angel was concerned that was enough to condemn them.

He shook the bloody haze of battle from his eyes as he realised there was no-one left for him to kill, and took just a moment to appreciate that he was standing in full sunlight, before looking for Connor. He got the first sight of his son, just as he and Xander engaged the last few demons, Angel could only watch in awe as the two young men fought back to back; their attacks flowing seamlessly, as though they'd been fighting together for years.

As the last of their enemies dropped to the ground Xander and Connor lowered their weapons and turned to face each other and Angel almost laughed, when he could just make out Xander introducing himself as politely as any dinner party guest. Then he saw_** it,**_ a smile breaking across Connor's face, the first truly open and joyful smile that Angel had ever seen him give. Right then it didn't matter that the smile was for Xander and not Angel; it only mattered that it was the most beautiful thing Angel had ever seen.

Tbc…..


	17. Chapter 17

**From Out Of The Past**

They arrived back at the hotel and the injured were swept away by Amy and the Wiccans; this time, thank god, nobody had been hurt badly enough to need Graham's attentions. The Reilly's seemed to be in a state of shock, clinging together and giving the others fearful looks. Connor seemed torn between taking care of his family and talking to Xander.

Finally Xander broke away from the huddled group and headed for Angel; a worried look on his face. "We're going to send the Reilly's to a sanctuary we set up, some of the Slayer's families are there, and it's as safe as we can make it. Connor's refusing to go with them, says he wants to be here. They didn't object all that much, I don't think they're coping with this very well. Don't suppose there's any chance you could talk some sense into him?"

Angel looked over at his son, the young man had given him a cursory greeting as they were leaving Palo Alto, but that was all. He seemed to know who Angel was to him, but whilst he wasn't trying to stake him on sight, he wasn't exactly acting like this was some joyous family reunion. Much as he wanted Connor away from danger, he had to acknowledge that he had no influence over the boy and at least if he was here, Angel would be able to protect him. "I don't think he's going to change his mind. If you sent him away, he'd probably find a way to sneak back here. Wolfram and Hart attacked his family, he was always protective of what he considered his."

And didn't that thought bring up a whole new set of worries, as Angel remembered how Connor had been around Cordelia. How he'd loved her and killed for her, and now the Seer was right here and Angel had no idea how his son would react around her now that he had all his memories back. She should be waking up soon, and whilst Angel no longer wanted her for himself, he didn't want to have to watch her with Connor either.

"Angel?" He realised that he'd been lost in his mind yet again, and hadn't noticed Xander still talking to him. "I said maybe you should go speak to him, help him explain things to his parents." Angel really didn't want to have to face the Reilly's, but knew Xander was right, he was the best person to help them understand the chaos that had obliterated their world. After all, he was the cause of it.

Xander watched for a moment, as Angel approached the Reilly's and they began to talk. Once he was sure, things looked like they were going to be okay, he headed upstairs to look for Graham. Only to be halted on the second floor by the sound of breaking crockery, echoed by a very familiar voice. "**Angel did what?**" Cordelia was awake, and it sounded like someone had been filling her in on what she'd missed.

He headed for her room, and saw Wes, Gunn and Fred sidle out looking seriously dejected. The young woman had tears in her eyes and was holding on to Gunn for support, whilst the two men just looked defeated and sad. When he saw Xander, Wes motioned the others to go on, while he stayed behind to explain.

"She doesn't remember anything about Jasmine. We had to tell her what had happened. God we hurt her so much. The last thing she actually remembers is her birthday, when we almost lost her because of the visions. Connor was still a baby, we were still a family; she actually wanted to know who was looking after him. And we had to tell her he was all grown up now.

Holtz, Quortoth, everything that happened in the last year, she didn't know any of it; because it wasn't her. She'd been taken over by that** thing,** and we didn't notice; we're her friends, her family, and we didn't see that some monster had taken her place." Wesley sounded broken, and Xander had no clue what he could say to make the man feel better.

He reached out to Wes, only to be waved away, "You should go and see her, she probably could use a_ real_ friend about now." With that the Watcher headed downstairs, leaving Xander to wonder just how much more they'd have to face. Everyone here was broken in some form or another; the Powers used them up, and abandoned them when they weren't needed any more. He was tired of it, tired of watching the people he loved get battered and lost, tired of burying his family and friends.

Pushing open the door, he took in the shattered remains of a breakfast tray decorating the floor and walls, and then got his first look at a reawakened Cordelia. Propped up on the pillows, looking as glorious as ever, but even her beauty couldn't disguise the shadows in her eyes. He wanted to sweep her into his arms, to hold her tight and promise to make everything okay. But this was Cordelia, he was talking about, platitudes and subtlety weren't going to cut it. That wasn't how the two of them played the game.

Taking a deep breath he launched his opening salvo. "Room service wasn't up to your standards?"

"Hardly, have you any idea what that pile of cholesterol laden junk would have done to my figure?"

"Well, if you will sleep in past regular meals, you have to make do with leftovers. If you put in an order now, I'm sure we can come up with something satisfactory for dinner."

"I doubt it, if this place is Slayer central, I expect it's all red meat and carbs. Though at least you didn't prepare it, I couldn't have stomached a tray full of Twinkies."

"You really think I'd give up my sugary goodness for you, think highly of yourself, don't you?"

"Well duh? I know it's been a while, but have you forgotten who I am?" The words were her usual sarcasm, but her voice broke at the end; and he moved without thinking. Wrapping his arms around her and holding onto her trembling form, whispering words of comfort; trying desperately to reassure her. To let her know that she was remembered and that she was still loved.

She let herself enjoy the comforting embrace for a few minutes, just resting, and getting ready for the next round. When he rested his forehead against hers for a brief moment, she registered the eye-patch for the first time. She let her fingers trace the edge of the worn leather, and then pulled back. "Explanation please."

"You going to buy the running with scissors excuse?" At her dismissive snort, Xander continued. "Big evil, blathered on about how I could see too much……yadda, yadda…..usual big bad posturing…. next thing there's a dirty great thumb heading for my face, a little pop; and hey, Xander the pirate was born."

"Well it's not that bad a bad look for you, kind of makes you seem less like a perpetual loser."

"Was that a compliment? Do we need to get a doctor up here to check you over?"

"Please, I said you looked better, not great. It'll take more than a little maiming to get you up to anything approaching my standards."

"Not that I'm not enjoying this little bitchfest you've got going on; but isn't there something else you want to do?"

"A shower, I want a steaming hot shower." Cordelia closed her eyes for a second and shivered a little. "I really want to feel clean."

"Graham said you're likely to be kinda weak for a while, would milady settle for a bath?"

"With bubbles?"

"But of course, expensive bubbles even, would I offer Queen C anything less?"

Cordelia watched as Xander opened the door to a brand new bathroom and started filling the tub; holding up a bottle for her inspection, before adding a generous amount to the water. Pushing herself to her feet, she started towards him, but was just too unsteady to make it. Before she even realised she was falling, Xander crossed the room and literally swept her off her feet.

She hated feeling this weak, no matter how good an excuse she had; it wasn't her. Burying her face into his neck, so that he wouldn't be able to see how upset she was; she thought back over the last few minutes. Xander had covered almost twenty feet in a split second, now he was supporting her entire weight with one arm, whilst he adjusted the taps with the other. She grabbed an ear and twisted his head 'round to face her. "You went and got yourself possessed again, didn't you?"

"Just a little bit, I promise it's all of the good. Just a little upgrade in the body department."

"Uh-huh. You will be explaining properly."

"One of those long stories, lets get you in the tub first." He set her down on the edge of the bath, stepped back and turned around.

"A little privacy."

"We just got you back, not risking you drowning in the tub. Just get under the bubbles and I promise I won't let your luscious form make me drool."

He heard her clothes drop to the floor, then the slight disturbance of the water as she got in; and turned back around just in time to hear her say. "Are you implying I'm** not** droolworthy?"

"Would I say such a thing? Only Graham tends to get a bit pissed off if I go around drooling over women. Apparently it's not good boyfriend behaviour." He made sure that he was looking right in Cordelia's eyes when he spoke; and he couldn't resist a little giggle at the expression on her face. She hid it quick, but her jaw definitely dropped at that bit of news. It wasn't often he got to put one over Queen C and he was definitely going to enjoy the feeling.

She narrowed her eyes at the amusement spreading across his face, and he knew he'd be in for an interrogation; he was even sort of looking forward to it. Losing Buffy and Willow had about destroyed him; but now he had Cordelia back and, for the first time in months, he was starting to have a good feeling about the future. He took a seat on the edge of the tub, letting his fingers trail in the water, before flicking some bubbles at her still open mouth. Laughing a little more at the angry spluttering his actions caused, he settled in to tell her everything.

Lindsey sat in his shadowed corner and looked around the room in disgust, trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do now. They'd gathered him up because Lorne had seen that he knew something important. Turned out the only thing they needed from him was access to his tattoos. So they'd stripped him down and photographed every inch of his body; before dismissing him like so much unwanted baggage.

An hour or so later he'd felt a wave of magic sweep through the building, as they used the knowledge it had taken him months of painstaking research to discover; to strengthen the wards. The hotel and everyone in it were now hidden from the Senior Partner's sight, and they hadn't had to follow his example and paint themselves from head to toe to do it.

It was galling, the way they were treating him. Studiously ignoring his presence, acting like he was irrelevant. Oh he had no doubt that they were keeping an eye on him, and he was sure there was no way that they'd let him leave. He knew too much to be allowed to run loose, but he had begun to realise that to these people he was nothing more than a passing nuisance.

He wasn't used to feeling this way, if he had to be stuck here then he needed to find someway of making them need him. There had to be something he'd learned, some piece of knowledge or magic from his time working at Wolfram and Hart; that he could use to get himself a place at the table. It was just that right now he couldn't think of anything they didn't already know.

Something was telling him that this time he might really be out of his depth. He'd been around magic and demons ever since he'd first come to work in LA; but the amount of raw power in the hotel was fucking terrifying. Compared to most people here, his own meagre gifts were pitifully weak.

They might not be talking to him, but they weren't hiding things either. They talked freely, not letting his presence get in the way of their work. He'd heard a lot about the protections on the building and the search for something to use against the lost Slayers and Cuore. He'd heard about Angel's newly merged soul, and Cordelia's awakening. And he'd heard about Alex, his changes, his place in the prophecy; and the way everyone here followed him.

It was hard for Lindsey, to equate his memory of a carefree lover with the hardened warrior these people were describing. But in the end the changes didn't matter to him, one glimpse of Alex had caused his old feelings to come rushing back, and now he needed to see him. Needed to talk to him, find out why he'd left the way he had.

Just then he saw the healer slipping into the kitchen, he'd heard a lot about him too. Graham, the former soldier who was Alex's new lover, another all round good guy who seemed to be liked by everyone. Not bad looking, fair hair and blue eyes, looked like Alex's tastes hadn't changed all that much. If he couldn't talk to Alex, he'd settle for the next best thing.

He didn't get to talk to Graham, didn't even make it halfway across the room; before his arm was grabbed and a familiar and hated voice growled in his ear. "Don't even think about it."

Spinning round and wrenching his arm away, Lindsey growled back. "I was just going to introduce myself, **not** that it's any of your business."

Angel had been keeping a watchful eye on Lindsey ever since he'd returned to the hotel. He'd sensed the lawyer's unease with the situation and knew it wouldn't be long before he started causing trouble, when he'd seen him heading for Graham, he'd felt he had to intercede. "In case you hadn't noticed, the people here are fanatically loyal to Xander, you go upsetting things for him, or his lover, and you're going to find yourself in a world of trouble."

"Like I said, I was just going to say hello, figured we had a lot in common." All that got was a disbelieving snort from Angel, so Lindsey continued. "Alex loves both of us."

"No, Xander _loves_ Graham, you're just a bad memory."

"He did love me, I know he did."

Wandering just how he'd wound up playing agony to someone he hated, Angel tried to explain. "He cared for the man he thought you were. Finding a file with his name in it, along with the names of everyone he loves, well that kind of made him realise what you really are."

"The file." Lindsey remembered that file; he'd been working on it the last night he and Alex were together. Now that he knew who Alex was, he finally understood why he'd left. He gave a bitter laugh and continued in a pain filled voice. "Do you know where I was, when he was packing up and running? I was in your office, on my fucking knees begging for your help.

When I heard about that case, those kids, I knew I'd have to find a way to stop it. Sooner or later Alex was going to find out about my job, and I knew I couldn't stay with him if I had those deaths on my conscience."

Suddenly everything that had happened back then made so much more sense to Angel. From Lindsey's desperation when he'd first asked for help; to the callous indifference he'd shown after his return to Wolfram and Hart. "You asked for my help because you didn't want to lose him? But then you went back there anyway."

"He'd gone, I didn't have a reason to leave any more."

Another voice interrupted their conversation. "So you didn't suddenly decide that working at Wolfram and Hart was wrong, you just knew that if you got caught your lover would leave." Ethan's voice was mild and questioning; much nicer than the angry, judgemental tone Lindsey had been getting from Angel.

"I was willing to leave for him."

"But not for yourself, and that's why it would never have worked out between you." Ethan looked Lindsey directly in the eyes, letting the younger man see the pain that coloured his own.

"You can try to change for someone else, but it never lasts. Sooner or later you snap, because you can't keep pretending to be something you're not. So you do something, maybe even for good reasons, but it's something you know is against everything he believes in.

Then it all falls apart on you, contrary to popular belief, love doesn't conquer all. However much you loved him it wouldn't work, not if you weren't being honest about who and what you are. And if you were honest, behaved in a way that was true to your nature, well he'd never compromise himself that much. If he did, it would destroy him, if he had to put aside everything that makes him who he is, then he wouldn't actually be the man you love, would he? No my boy, you'll just have to accept the fact that the Alexander Harris's of this world aren't for the likes of us."

Angel didn't want to listen to them any more, watching Ethan expose himself and his own past with Giles was painful. He left them to it, trusting the mage to keep Lindsey from causing any trouble, for the moment at least. He had troubles enough of his own, he didn't need to take on theirs.

His instincts were telling him to gather his family. To get them together so he could watch over them, protect them. Unfortunately they didn't seem to want his help. Connor was spending a few last hours with the Reilly's trying to re-connect and reassure them. Cordelia was with Xander, and whilst he knew that the young man was probably doing a better job of taking care of his precious Seer then he ever could, he still wished that he could be the one to comfort her.

Wes was caught up in his research. Burying himself in his books, so that he didn't have to deal with either Angel or Cordelia. Gunn and Fred had disappeared together, locking themselves away in an empty room. It seemed that the anguish caused by the knowledge of Cordelia's suffering; had caused the fluttering embers of their fractured relationship to re-ignite. It was good news, they made each other happier and stronger, but it meant they needed time alone, time without his interference.

He'd tracked down Spike earlier, had followed his scent to the abandoned garden in the rear of the hotel. His Childe had obviously just been gifted with a pendant to match the one Amy had given him earlier. He watched as Spike strolled out into the blazing sun, head tilted back and arms stretched wide. Looking like some pagan god, bathed in light, beautiful in his obvious joy.

Angel had been about to join him, to try and start fixing their broken relationship, but then Dawn had stepped out of the shadows and thrown her arms around Spike. There'd been tears glistening in her eyes, and a look of awed love on her face. The two had settled on one of the benches, hands entwined, heads bent together. They'd looked happy and content, sharing tiny kisses and whispered words; and Angel had once again felt like an intruder. So he slipped silently away, unseen by the new lovers.

He needed something, anything to make him feel useful. It seemed everyone had a role to play but him. He felt a tugging at his sleeve, and turned to find Dana, staring up at him with a shy smile. Great, now he was brooding so much, he didn't even notice a Slayer sneaking up on him. He suppressed the growl he really wanted to make and smiled down at her.

"Faith says you know how to fight real well. I got to know how to fight, got to protect Faith when the bad man comes. She can't teach me 'cos of the baby, can you help?"

Angel could just see Faith's smirking face across the room and knew she'd set him up; but right now he was actually glad of the distraction. It wouldn't exactly be the first time he'd acted as punching bag for a training Slayer. At least this was something he knew he could do well. Taking Dana's outstretched hand gently in his, he led her off for her first lesson.

_tbc…….._


	18. Starting Over

**Starting Over**

Xander had been hiding out in the basement for a while, trying to figure out a way to get back to the penthouse, without running into anyone. He didn't feel like explaining what he was doing with his toolbox and an armful of chains. He'd pretty much figured out that if he got caught there'd be enough laughing and teasing; and that he'd wind up wanting to die of embarrassment. Though if Faith was the one to spot him, he was sure you could add, hints, tips and innuendo to the list of things he really didn't want to hear.

Graham's worries and fears about their sex life had been preying on his mind ever since they'd talked. He hated that he'd left his lover feeling like he wasn't wanted; and had been wracking his brains trying to come up with a solution. Hence the chains; they weren't exactly their usual speed, but Xander figured if he was chained up he'd be able to let himself go without any risk to his lover.

He felt slightly guilty, spending so much time worrying about his relationship while the world was going to hell around them; but let's face it, if he waited around for a time when there wasn't a big bad to fight, they'd be too old for it to matter. No, he needed to do this, needed to make everything right with the man he loved, because without Graham he didn't think he'd be able to go on.

He made it to the elevator without being seen, and breathed a sigh of relief when he got into his room. Laying the chains out on the bed, he'd got all the way upstairs without being caught by a single living soul. "_Hi._" Except for Connor, who'd apparently chosen his room to hang out in today. The young man had been avoiding everyone since the Reilly's had left and they were all starting to worry about him

Connor's eyes were shadowed, and Xander could feel the pain and confusion rolling off him. Much as he wanted to be alone right now, it seemed as though their latest addition needed a friendly ear. And as usual, Xander was the designated listener. "Hiding out?"

"Yeah, sorry. It's just they're gone, my parents, and I'm not sure I'll see them again. They kind of freaked out about all this, and my sisters aren't exactly dealing."

"Give them a little time, it's a lot to have to face all at once. When they calm down…."

"I still won't be their son, their brother."

"Maybe not by blood, but you will always be part of them. One thing I've learned is that genetics have damn all to do with family, it's how you feel about people that counts. You love them and I'm sure they love you, once they have a chance to think, that's what'll be important."

"Even though it wasn't real."

Connor's voice sounded so lost, it about broke Xander's heart. "Did you meet Dawnie?" At Connor's brief nod, Xander continued. "I love her, she's my baby sister. When she was eleven, she found out that my mom didn't make me a cake for my birthday. So she turned her kitchen into a war zone, trying to make me one. It looked terrible and tasted worse, but I still ate every bite, because it was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever done for me.

When she was twelve she got the flu, and when I babysat her she cried and cried, because she was too sick to go to the first real party she'd ever been invited to. When she was thirteen she decided that she hated the world, went around snapping at everyone, drove her mom and her sister insane. Until they figured out that she was acting up because she'd found out about Buffy being the Slayer. She was smart enough to know how dangerous that was, and she was scared to death of losing her big sister.

"When she was fourteen, we found out she wasn't real, that a bunch of monks had taken this ancient artefact and given it human form. All those memories, all those things we remembered never actually happened.

And you know what, that doesn't matter at all." Xander made sure he was looking right in Connor's eyes, he needed the younger man to understand how serious he was. "I remember how happy I was when she made me that cake, I remember the first time I thought of her like my own baby sister. Those feelings are real, and that's the only thing that counts."

"My family, they're not used to this stuff, maybe it'd be easier if I left them alone."

"Give them a chance, you don't want your sisters thinking that their big brother bailed on them. I mean, you still love them just as much as you did yesterday, so don't underestimate the way they feel about you."

"Maybe, when this is over I could talk to them; see what they want."

"Or you could go now, plenty of room at the sanctuary." Connor didn't bother to answer that one, just shot Xander a disbelieving glare. "Well you can't blame me for trying, there's an awful lot of people here, who don't want you getting hurt."

"My other dad. And that's even freakier." Connor started pacing, frustration evident in the tense lines of his body. "It was easier when I could just hate him. Holtz made everything simple, black and white. See vampire, stake vampire, now everything's all messed up in my head.

The things I did to him and his friends; I really believed he was nothing more than a monster. He gave up the world for me, and I still don't understand why. After everything I did to him, why would he do that for me?"

"He loves you." Xander didn't know exactly how to make Connor feel better, but knew he had to try. Though the irony of him being the one fighting Angel's corner wasn't lost on him, Connor was more important than his old jealousies. "I'm so not the best person to be doing this, Angel and me; not exactly friends.

You mean everything to him, when he figured out you were in trouble, he broke. It was like something inside him died, Holtz was right about what he was; the things he did without his soul were monstrous. But that isn't who he is now. He really is one of the good guys; though if you tell him I said nice things about him, I'll deny it to my dying breath. Cordy'd probably be able to tell you a lot more than I could, she saw you together. Helped him take care of you when you were a baby."

The sharp intake of breath and wave of pain when Cordelia's name was mentioned gave Xander a little more insight into what was haunting Connor. "She was asking after you. Wanted to know why you hadn't stopped by to see her yet."

"She……how she could see want to see me after what I did? I thought she wanted me, but it wasn't her. What I did, it's the same as rape." Connor's voice was so quiet, that Xander could barely hear him.

"No it wasn't. Kiddo, she doesn't blame you for anything I promise." At Connor's disbelieving look, Xander tried to explain. "You never met her, not the real Cordy; by the time you got back from Quortoth the demon had already taken her over. You had no way of knowing that. If the people who saw her every day, her best friends, couldn't tell, then how were you supposed to?

She doesn't remember Connor, they had to tell her; but if she's pissed at anyone it's Deadboy, not you. She loves you, said you're the closest thing to a kid of her own and she just wants to make sure you're okay."

"I don't know; I'm just not ready to talk to her. After Jasmine came I knew things weren't right. I mean everyone else saw this beautiful woman, but I could always see her true face. But I didn't care, she loved me, or I thought she did, and that was the only thing that mattered."

"Wanting to be loved isn't wrong, and you didn't exactly have a lot to compare things to. Cordy will never blame you, she'll love you and protect you; probably embarrass the hell out of you from time to time, but you'll always be someone she loves."

"Does she…..I mean, I loved her……does she think I still feel that way, still want her?" Now Connor's voice held a faint edge of panic.

"You don't?" Xander knew that Cordelia wouldn't ever feel that way for a boy she considered her own child, but Connor needed to figure things out in his own head.

"No…..I remember what it felt like to love her, but then that wasn't her was it? It was just that she seemed to be the only one who needed me and wanted me. That felt so good, and being with her seemed like what I should want. But now……I don't think I can look her in the eye, never mind anything else. She's a stranger, they all are.

Angel, Wes and the others; they were all looking at me downstairs, wanting to talk to me. I get that I'm important to them, but I don't know if I can be what they want me to be."

"You don't have to be anything but yourself, they do get that you're not the boy they remembered. They all just want a chance to get to know you again."

"That's just it, I don't know who _me_ is. All the memories are rubbing against each other, and I don't know which ones to listen to."

Connor broke off, tears falling silently from his eyes. He looked and sounded so lost, and Xander didn't know how to fix him. So he just gathered the younger man in his arms and held him, letting the younger man cry himself into sleep.

Easing Connor down onto the bed when he was finally quiet, Xander covered him with a blanket and decided to let him rest. He seemed so alone and broken, but there was strength in him, and Xander hoped it would be enough to carry him through. He carded his fingers slowly through the young man's hair, petting and easing him when he began to whimper in his sleep. Connor called to him, reminded Xander of himself when he was younger. So desperate to be loved, to be needed and Xander wanted to be able to chase away the shadows in those beautiful eyes. Wanted to help Connor move on, to be as happy with himself as Xander now was.

He heard a movement out in the corridor and eased away from the sleeping man, moving carefully so as not to disturb him. When he eased the door open, he found himself face to face with the person he'd been doing his best to avoid. "Lindsey."

He didn't want to do this, but knew he had to talk to the man sometime. So he steered him down the hall and into an empty room. Angel had come to him earlier and told him about his conversation with the lawyer; and Xander didn't know how to feel about the new things he'd learnt about his former lover.

Lindsey looked tired, the sparkling eyes Xander remembered were dull; they spoke of a man who'd seen too much, done too much and the pain in them called to a part of Xander he'd thought long buried. He was still gorgeous; his body had the same pull it always had, the draw of that beauty still tugged a little at Xander, as he remembered what it had been like to touch this man. But he was relieved to discover that was all he felt, a kind of nostalgia for a time when he'd been a lot more innocent, the deeper feelings he'd had for Lindsey were gone.

"You talked to Angel, he told you what I said." The words were flat, a statement not a question. "I never knew, why you left. I thought I'd done something, or maybe not done enough. Hindsight's a bitch, if I hadn't left that fucking file…."

"I'd have found out some other way. Secrets like that….they can't be kept forever."

"But I'd have been out, I could have told you then. Started over someplace else and it would have been different. I would have been different."

"I'd have still wanted to go back home, Buffy needed me and I needed to fight. You'd have had to watch that, and I'm not so sure you'd have dealt. Walking away from Wolfram and Hart was one thing, could you really have stood with us?"

"I'd have tried, but then I always tried, not that it did much good. Nothing ever seemed to work out the way it was supposed to." The bitterness in his voice was almost a living thing, curling round Lindsey's body, permeating the room.

"Linds…" Xander didn't want to hurt him any more than he had to; didn't want to cause more damage to a man who'd been so important to him once. "I don't regret it, what we had. I did love you, and those memories are good ones. I don't know what would have happened if I'd have stayed one more day. But we can't live on what might have beens."

"You don't regret it, but you don't wish it had gone differently do you?"

He could lie, could tell Lindsey that he wished things had worked out, but he wasn't that type of man. He owed Lindsey the truth. "No I don't wish it was different. I finally like who I am. The life I've got is a good one, Senior Partners and crazy prophecies aside. If things had gone differently I wouldn't be here, wouldn't have….."

"Graham." Lindsey's voice held resignation, as he interrupted Xander. "You love him more than you did me?"

Xander never got the chance to answer, a loud crash echoed down the hall; and he was running back to his room. Moving so fast that Lindsey could only trail behind. He sent the door crashing open and saw Graham pinned to the floor. Connor kneeling above him, his eyes panicked and glazed.

"Connor?" Xander's voice seemed to jolt the young man back to awareness and he looked down at Graham in horror, before scrambling quickly away. Ending up in the corner, hugging his knees to his chest, muttering an endless litany of apologies.

"Gray, are you okay?" Xander hurried to his lover, helping him up and trying to check him over.

"I'm fine, just got a bit of a scare."

"What the hell happened?"

Graham nodded towards the trembling figure of Connor, "I came in and saw him sleeping, I just wanted to check and see he was alright. But the second I touched him, he freaked."

"Connor?" Xander got down on his knees and tried to get the young man to look at him, but all he got was blank eyes and senseless rambling. Graham moved in beside him, and reached out to Connor once more, laying a gentle hand on the side of his cheek. The Healer's touch seemed to help, and awareness slowly seeped back into Connor's eyes.

"I'm sorry. I was dreaming about Quortoth and when I felt you I thought I was still there. God I could have hurt you."

"But you didn't, you didn't hurt me at all." Graham tried to reassure Connor, but the young man didn't seem consoled.

"What if it had been one of the girls? Someone more fragile?"

Xander decided to take that one, "In case you hadn't noticed, most of the girls round here are Slayers. That means they can kick your ass seven ways from Sunday. There's no way you're going to accidentally hurt anyone."

Connor inclined his head towards the chains Xander had abandoned on the bed earlier. "Maybe you should have just used those things on me, that way I couldn't get into trouble."

Graham turned a questioning look on Xander, wondering what the hell the chains were doing in their room. He certainly didn't expect to see his lover turn bright red with embarrassment, but he shelved the question for the moment, concentrating on Connor's distress. They both moved a little closer to the stricken boy and continued to comfort him, letting him know that he was safe with them.

Lindsey watched silently from the doorway, he couldn't take his eyes away from them. He saw the way Xander kept touching Graham, as if to reassure himself that the other man was okay. Saw the easy way they were together, moving as one to get Connor settled back onto the bed. Saw the way they looked at each other, the love shining in their eyes.

He finally began to understand what Ethan had tried to tell him; this man, this Xander, wasn't someone he knew. The man he'd loved so much, had held onto in his mind, had grown and changed in the years they'd been apart. There wasn't a place for him here, no matter what he said or did; he couldn't come between these men.

He thought he'd been forgotten, that they were too caught up in Connor to notice him; but just as he started to walk away, Graham turned around and looked at him. There was no anger on the Healer's face, only compassion, and Lindsey felt none of the resentment he'd been filled with earlier. Catching Xander's eye in turn, he tried to let his acceptance show in his own eyes before turning and walking away. Packing his old dreams carefully away, he went in search of Ethan; if he was going to try and figure out what he wanted to do now, he could use a sympathetic ear.

Once they'd got Connor quietened down and resting once more; Xander and Graham settled in on the couch. They didn't want to risk leaving the young man alone whilst he was still so distressed, so they kept watch over him as they talked softly.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Xander had panicked when he'd seen Graham stretched out on the floor and was in the need of a little reassurance himself.

"I'm fine baby, he just knocked the wind out of me. You're really worried about him aren't you?"

"He seemed so damn lost, kind of reminded me of how I used to be. It's a damn shame this isn't something you can heal."

"You know better than most that magic isn't the answer to everything. A little love and time and we should be able to help him."

"Time….we never do seem to have enough of that do we? I had plans for the night, that involved more fun and less people in our room."

"Something to do with those chains of yours?" If anything Xander blushed even brighter than before, and he ducked his head to avoid Graham's eyes. "Xan?"

"It was gonna be a surprise….I thought about what you said…..about how I've been since I got changed……I won't risk hurting you, but I thought with the chains……"

"You'd be able to let go without any risk?" Graham pulled Xander closer and wrapped his arms around him. "I think I like that idea, you all chained up and helpless. At my mercy…….just think I could tease you for hours and there'd be nothing you could do to stop me." He let their bodies rock together and nibbled his way down Xander's neck.

"No fair, getting me all worked up when we can't do anything about it."

Graham let his teeth scrape Xander's neck a little harder and whispered back. "Who says I'm not going to follow through."

"In case you hadn't noticed our bed's kinda occupied right now; and I don't think Connor'd appreciate the company."

"I don't know; he's been following you round ever since he got there, like your own personal puppy. All sad eyes and need."

"He needs a friend, someone to lean on. He likes girls anyway, or had you forgotten that he was in love with Cordelia?"

"You used to be in love with her too, and just look at you now. You can't tell me you don't think he's adorable, I know you too well."

Xander tried to ignore his growing arousal and concentrate on Graham's words. They'd had a third in their bed before, random bodies picked up in a club and discarded with the dawn. But something about this felt different. "Gray, we can't play with Connor, not like that. He deserves to be treated better than one of our one night stands."

"But you are drawn to him?" Graham's voice had lost its teasing edge, and Xander pulled back so he could see his face.

"I'm not sure, he's so hurt and I want to fix that; but I don't think jumping him is the answer."

"He needs something to ground him, and I think that could be you."

"I love you, and however drawn I am to him I won't risk us."

"You wouldn't be, I just feel like this could work. I'm not sure why, but it seems right to me."

Hearing the serious note in Graham's voice, Xander wondered what had brought this on. Thinking back, he remembered seeing the faint glow of Graham's power when he touched Connor, so he asked. "Did you see something when you touched him?"

"Not exactly, it was more like….." Graham struggled to find the right words. "It was like there was a connection, touching him felt almost the same as when I touch you."

"Gray this is a big decision, huge, and let's face it, not ours to make. Connor needs to make his own choices, he feels out of control already."

"Tempting as he is, I wasn't really suggesting that we make a pass right now, I just wanted to know what you thought. He needs time to heal, and we need to think about it."

"We need sleep, we can worry about this and everything else in the morning. Do you think we should find an empty room?"

Graham looked at their bed and Connor's slumbering form; remembering how agitated the boy had become in his sleep before. "Maybe we should stay, if he has more nightmares……"

"He could need some help and there's no-one around but us." Xander wasn't sure they were doing the right thing, but he was too tired to care, so he stripped down to his pants and joined his lover on the bed.

The two older men bracketed Connor's body, getting close enough to help him if he needed it, but making sure not to touch. They didn't want a return of his earlier panic. Clasping hands on the pillow above their heads they drifted off into much needed sleep.

Never once realising that Connor had been awake for some time, not seeing the longing on his face as he drank in the sight of them lying next to him. Barely even noticing when he snuggled up to Graham's hard body and let one hand drift to Xander's chest. They just moved closer in their sleep, and Connor let himself relax. Being between them gave him a feeling of safety like he'd never known before. And he smiled to himself as he drifted off to the soothing sounds of their hearts beating alongside his own.

_tbc….._


End file.
